. hyde & sick .

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

in a daze.. 9:09 AM

it's about 1:10 in the morning and unfortunately, the sandman has not found his way to our home.. my insomniac-in-the-making senses are alive and kicking and i can't figure out a way on how to fight and calm those senses.. im afraid im still in that daze from worrying a lot about togne today..

well, the day started okay.. i mean, togne went here in the house and played naruto 2 (courtesy of miguel) with my brother.. we enjoyed for the most part (with joyance).. we even played badminton and all.. what worried me much, came later..

i can't really tell much of the details because i still am in a daze.. but technically, the rough details are: mom and togne were talking and they really got caught up in the talking.. we didn't really realize how late it was and it turned out that it was already 8:15pm.. his mom was already calling him and very much worried.. i didn't really knew that because he didn't tell me.. c2 was the one who told me that, out of too much worry, togne's mom and grandmom went to c2's house to check if he was there.. turns out that they really worried about togne that his mom was already searching for him everywhere (called up most of his classmates..and obviously, went to c2's house).. when they got in c2's house, the first thing they asked for was my number.. actually, i've never heard anyone call me with such accusation in the tone.. i was really numbed and scared, to ironically say the least.. togne didn't really talk to me and so i missed most of the details on how his mom and grandmom reacted when he got home.. c2 assured me that they've both taken care of it and that there was nothing to worry about.. i wish tomorrow togne could talk to me to clarify things so that my worry could be diminished soon..

well, for now..4am seems such a long time from now..a lot of time to let my daze disappear.. :(

Monday, November 21, 2005

greetings..greetings.. 3:35 AM

nothing much happened today..

just one of my friends' birthday..VALERIE ANNE T. FERMA..

thank you for treating me knina.. :)

and to bebe_togne..congrats for making it to the 2nd top spot in your batch..

i just wonder why you keep telling me you aren't eligible to run for salutatorian..

and why your grand-mere won't allow you to enter ust..such a shame..

nway, see you on friday..that's hp4 nd the concert.. :)

can't wait.. >:)

Friday, November 18, 2005

uncreeped.. 3:16 PM

last thursday night, i had this really freaky dream about a little girl..she had long hair and was really beautiful..i really didn't know why, but it didn't freak me out as you'd expect people to be..instead, it roused my curiosity and i am left wondering about the identity of that girl and why the movie 'the house of wax' keep on popping in my head everytime i think of that little girl..

it started out like an astral vision..i was seeing myself lying on my bed, my back against the window..i was in deep sleep and then i saw the little girl, looking at me intently as though trying to wake me up by just looking at me..

and then, i went back to my body and then another dream started..

i was walking, with about two people (that i don't remember who), in this certain subdivision (which i am totally unfamiliar with)..we then saw this angel (who literally wore a flowing robe with a fake halo) that was floating in midair, above a certain two-storey house..i asked the angel, "ikaw ba yung napapagtanungan dito?"..and he answered, "hinde no!sinusundo ko lang ang mga kaluluwa ng mga namatay na." after he said that, i heard wailing and crying from inside the house..after that, we proceeded to the house of the little girl i saw earlier..we went inside, and i proceeded to her room which was on the second floor..when i got there, i saw her mom playing with her (who seemed to be on her early twenties)..we (her mom and i) talked for a while and after that, i began playing with her too..while playing with her, i recalled that her sister was paris hilton and that was when the movie 'the house of wax' popped in my head..when we got tired, she sat in her bed and we talked..when i moved to dishevel her hair, she suddenly went berserk and got possessed..i tried controlling her, and holding her down but she suddenly became too strong for me, and then she bit me on the arm..it didn't really hurt but i felt something..when i finally got her off my arm, i woke up..

can someone please interpret this dream?please?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

tognengot.. 4:54 AM

last saturday, i finally called it off between william and i..i won't be telling the details here but what i told him is that the problem lies in me and that there was no way i could solve it but by splitting up with him..

so here i am..single once again..but definitely not looking anymore..don't ask..it's this enjoy the single life first thing..that's with togne, of course..

hehe.. :)

don't take me wrong but i am affected by the split up..it's just that im not really into dwelling on it anymore because it's finished and im ready to take whatever destiny has in stored for me..that is because firstly, i'd like to move on now..and secondly, im still realizing a lot of things that i won't be able to think about if i continue thinking about it..

anyway, speaking of togne..we were texting this afternoon (courtesy of c2's phone, of course!)..and he was like teasing me to no end..at first, his teasing was just okay..but eventually, it got really annoying and so i got kind of mad with him..and what added to that was he called me 'paqt'..pacute..so you know..the scenario of total kulitan got into a tampuhan..well,eventually he said sorry..and i think it's just a petty thing..so i'd like togne to know..

i forgive him..

nd that i'm going to the concert for which he has so courteously asked for my mother's permission..and he did it personally..

i appreciate it very much.. :)

and by the way, have i introduced togne yet?? :D

Thursday, November 10, 2005

the trouble with love is.. 3:38 AM

Love can be a many splendid thing

Has another joy you bring

A dozen roses

Diamond rings

Dreams for sale

And fairy tales

It’ll make you hear a symphony

And you’ll just want the world to see

But like a drunk that makes you blind

It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

Gets stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn’t care how fast you fall

And you can’t refuse the call

See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was just a once a fool it’s true

I played the game by all the rules

But now my world’s a deeper blue

I’m sadder but I’m wiser too

I swore I’d never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn’t worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

Gets stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn’t care how fast you fall

And you can’t refuse the call

See you’ve got no say at all

Every time I turn around

I think I’ve got it all

My heart keeps callin

And I keep on fallin

Over and over again

This set story always ends the same

Me standin in the pouring rain

It seems no matter what I do

It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is (the trouble with love)

It can tear you up inside (it can tear you up in side)

Make your heart believe a lie (Make your heart believe a lie)

Gets stronger then your pride(The trouble with love is)

See your heart its in your soul (It doesn’t care how fast you fall)

You wont remember control (?)

(And you can’t refuse the call)See you’ve got no say at all

The trouble with love is (Oooo….ya)

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie (the trouble with love..)

Friday, November 04, 2005

comparison and contrast.. 12:54 AM

i've recalled recently a line from one of the fanfics i have read before (and you just have to guess whether this is from a lemon or not ;)) that comparing to people is totally unfair because it would belittle both parties. but i've also discovered recently that it is technically impossible for you to not compare when you're no longer satisfied, and happy for that matter. satisfaction, i guess, in a relationship, is one of the things you must achieve so that you can say that it is working out and that you are happy with the person you are committed to. and lately, i guess, im no longer satisfied with what's happening between me and william. this then also leads me to compare him with kevin which i know, is totally unfair and stupid for both of them..

i partly take blame for not being satisfied in my relationship with william. maybe because in the past, i have not experienced having a relationship with guys for too long that is why i really had the time to think of my standards when it comes to guys. and the thing is, he has not met any of those standards (except maybe for being such a genius when it comes to math) and i keep looking for them in him. though i also keep on reminding myself that i should accept what and who he truly is, i can't help but be disappointed because he has not met those standards. and when i get disappointed, here comes the part where i start to compare him with kevin (i won't tell them here, it's too private). i feel guilty, really. because i know he has done nothing wrong and that he was just being himself. and i've also reminded myself that when you 'love' a person or someone gets really special for you, you should accept them for who they really are and swallow all the 'missing things' in them, because obviously, you love them. but i don't know why it has come to this. that i get so unnerved and guilty at the same time because the more i try to swallow the things that's missing in william, the more choked up i get because i can't accept it.

and one thing that bothers me the most is when it comes to kevin, i can accept all things. as in all. without getting choked up.

and when i think about it more, the guiltier i get. why?because i end up realizing that maybe, i don't love william as much as i do kevin...