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Friday, November 04, 2005
comparison and contrast..
12:54 AM
i've recalled recently a line from one of the fanfics i have read before (and you just have to guess whether this is from a lemon or not ;)) that comparing to people is totally unfair because it would belittle both parties. but i've also discovered recently that it is technically impossible for you to not compare when you're no longer satisfied, and happy for that matter. satisfaction, i guess, in a relationship, is one of the things you must achieve so that you can say that it is working out and that you are happy with the person you are committed to. and lately, i guess, im no longer satisfied with what's happening between me and william. this then also leads me to compare him with kevin which i know, is totally unfair and stupid for both of them..
i partly take blame for not being satisfied in my relationship with william. maybe because in the past, i have not experienced having a relationship with guys for too long that is why i really had the time to think of my standards when it comes to guys. and the thing is, he has not met any of those standards (except maybe for being such a genius when it comes to math) and i keep looking for them in him. though i also keep on reminding myself that i should accept what and who he truly is, i can't help but be disappointed because he has not met those standards. and when i get disappointed, here comes the part where i start to compare him with kevin (i won't tell them here, it's too private). i feel guilty, really. because i know he has done nothing wrong and that he was just being himself. and i've also reminded myself that when you 'love' a person or someone gets really special for you, you should accept them for who they really are and swallow all the 'missing things' in them, because obviously, you love them. but i don't know why it has come to this. that i get so unnerved and guilty at the same time because the more i try to swallow the things that's missing in william, the more choked up i get because i can't accept it.
and one thing that bothers me the most is when it comes to kevin, i can accept all things. as in all. without getting choked up.
and when i think about it more, the guiltier i get. why?because i end up realizing that maybe, i don't love william as much as i do kevin...
2 Comments:
I said my piece in our telephone conversation. Don't make things complicated, you're still young and there's no reason for you to handle this and to be in that position. As I have said, If you are to love, ask always the heart not the mind unless of course it becomes physical...(taking advantage) and I know you are one smart lass to fall prey to a deceitful tongue...
I said my piece in our telephone conversation. Don't make things complicated, you're still young and there's no reason for you to handle this and to be in that position. As I have said, If you are to love, ask always the heart not the mind unless of course it becomes physical...(taking advantage) and I know you are one smart lass to fall prey to a deceitful tongue...
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