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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

sheer desperation. 7:44 PM

this is something new. im blogging at 10:43 in the morning. haha. well, just read the cbox to find out why. :D

~O~

im getting extremely bored with this summer. i staunchly wish that the school year will start soon. it will only be until then that i'll be able to speak to some real human. im losing my nerve over the people in this household - my mom refuses to talk to me in a humane way (i wonder why? *rolls eyes*), my brother can't even start a decent conversation without sounding stupid to me, and my aunt's too preoccupied with her life. damn. the three closest conversations i can have with a real human are: 1.) texting my kuya (who's asleep most of the time because of work), 2.) talking to my dad whenever he calls (which isn't that often cause long-distance calls cost much), and 3.) chatting with my good ol' friends. my God. i wish i have someone real to talk to. not some people who choose to talk to some other people distances away instead of me, just an arm's reach away. duh.

~O~

i've been having a struggle lately. although it's not as shallow as eating or something. hehe. but seriously, i've been struggling not to return to my old self.

why?

well, MICO's OLD SELF is defined as the very immature, overly-dramatic, overly-emotional, overly-sensitive, and overly-pessimistic being who does nothing but dwell over her shortcomings causing her self-esteem to go beyond negative infinity.

now, for those who know me, you may say that im still like that but what i am now is what you call the "lite" version. hmmm.

if you were in my shoes, would you want to go back?

yeah. the answer is a big NO.

what should i do?

when everything seems too negative for me. not even hyde's music can comfort me (but believe me, it's the only string keeping me sane these days, aside from my bestfriends).

HELP.

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