.~affettuoso~.

irreplaceable.

2007-02-20T19:54:00.000-08:00

wow.. i missed this part of the internet. hmmm. lemme see.. last post was last july?? haha. was i really that busy or was i just too lazy?? haha.. well, anyway.

it's february 21st - ash wednesday as most catholics consider it. not much significance for me, though. i mean, im not really into the sacrificing and fasting stuff. but this year, i might just make it different. my classmates were asking me earlier what i would be sacrificing this lenten season. i said i didnt know, as in i didnt know what there is to sacrifice in my already sad, sad life. and that's when it dawned on me: i'd sacrifice my being cynical for once. haha. pretty hard, believe me. but i'll try. it's worth a try. haha. congratulate me if i do.

~O~

i am once again single. celebrated xmas without a commitment, had new year feeling sorry for myself, and celebrated SADay for the 19th time. again, i admit, i am wallowing in bitterness because this time, again, i have been left behind. gawd. i have to get used to this. haha. it's actually becoming a routine - you find a great person to fall in love with, you have a commitment, you start fighting, you fall in love more, you work it out, he grows tired, he leaves you. my lovelife is such a waste. i am becoming a non-believer already. i even realized lately that i want get pregnant, have my kid/s. but not a husband. why? because i think men just aren't that trustworthy anymore. no use trusting your heart to someone without assurance that he'll take care of that heart and give it much importance as you do his. cynical, i know. but hey REALITY. it's what you call REALITY.

but of course, i miss the feeling of being in love. yet i think, no one's worth that anymore except my family.

~O~

till next time.

usapang pagibig.

2006-07-24T02:20:00.000-07:00

yeehar! hell-week has been finished and damn it, it FEELS SINFULLY GOOD! haha. and it feels great to be finally able to update my beloved blog. after 3 weeks, right? but anyway. nothing much has happened because it's the same old toxicity and same old stress that i can tell you. hehe.

well, there is something. my vertigo's back - full-blown and migraine-inducing. im okay now, though. im just on medication, stugeron, and it's addictive, really.

~O~

one lazy afternoon.

nyael: brrr! isang maginaw na hapon sa inyo. pangit ni gloria.

machete: kelan ba gumanda un? Haha.. =P

nyael: nung ndi pa cia pnpnganak...wakoko!

machete: lam mo xe, pag di mo tlaga gusto ang tao, panget tlaga yan. haha. cnu bng gustong magmahal o magkagusto sa panget? nyohoho. =P

nyael: ang may wagas na pgibig! hahaha!

machete: ang tnung, mwon pa bng genyan ngaun?

nyael: meron, aq! haha!

machete: utot! haha.. mkkpagmahal kb ng isang bhen nten 2lad ni imang? haha.. =P

nyael: uu! kpag nakcndi na ang kandila.. nyaha!

machete: haha. e panu kung alang kandila?

nyael: njan nman c vicky belo at manny calayan

machete: edi nde na wagas na pag ibig un, db? =D

nyael: dahil sa pgibg, mangu2tang at mgbbenta pa q ng laman pra mpaopera lng cia.. wagas pdn!

machete: pwo nde mo na cya gnusta sa kung cnu tlaga cya. ipaparetoke mo nga e.

nyael: ciempre, mas ggstuhin mu kung anu mas mkggnda sknya. oha!

machete: e db pag wagas tatanggapin khet anung kapangitan at kamalian.. tatanggapin ng buong puso at nanaising genon na lamang dhel un ang minahal mo sa tao.. kung pagibg tlaga un, nde mo ipapbgo ang kung anumang tnanggap mo na..

nyael: kung yn ang pgiicp mu.. cge, hanapin mu sa diksyunaryo ang meaning na wagas na pgibg.. wla nman kcng eksaktong khulugan un.. buwahaha!

machete: just gve the argument up.. bt nway, it's a subjective description nman.. kung tngen mo pagmamahal e pgbbgo, okie.. hehe.. gleng.. galeng ke gloria napunta ke imang! haha..

~O~

i learned today

that i need you more each day.

grab on to you.

don't ever let me go.

O=)

angel, angel.

girlfriend.

2006-07-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

whew!

a big whew! why? because i am again here at the 6th floor of our beloved central library, savoring one of the rare moments when i can breathe freely again from all the toxicity that my nursing life is bringing me. hehe.

these past few days, sleep has also become rare for me. four hours of sleep has become decreased to three because of the added work loaded upon us. and tests have become more frequent, as in it has become burdens of everyday and the thing is, it's hard not to study because failure will surely come upon you if you dont study. and so, hard as it is, perseverance and determination are the only ones i have against what we call "katams".

~O~

ethics is one useless subject - a waste of time and units especially if your teacher is as boring as mine. we call her junie (her nickname) - the demented teacher who'll put you into deep slumber if you have no control over your circadian rhythm. ethics was supposedly interesting. unfortunately, as i said, it has become useless because our teacher, although honored with a masters in bioethics, doesn't know how to deliver it in a way that you can learn and at the same time enjoy it. that's why im finding it useless and a waste of time. guh.

anaphy and funda are two of the most interesting and enjoyable subjects i have. ma'm luy and ma'm ignacio are good teachers and although their subjects are hard to teach and learn, they seem to do it effortlessly.

another useless, and not to mention boring, subject is CHN. that's community health nursing in which you are taught of the things you should do in the community services. it's actually like the community development we had back in high school. unfortunately, it has become more boring because all we do all throughout the 3-hr subject is stare at the powerpoint presentation made by sir loa, who honestly, doesn't really know how to make the subject interesting (like junie). another sleeping time for us.

my RLE is great, including my groupmates and clinical instructor - ma'm piodo. yesterday, we were having the return demo for administering injections. carelessness gave me 4 accidental punctures to my left hand alone. i bled a lot - which wasn't surprising but fortunately, i still had the strength to perform the activity with my partner, iver. hehe.

all of my other subjects are so-so. like my english which is taught by one scary, and unpredictable teacher - ma'm amongo. she's pregnant, btw. and she's absent that's why i got the chance to update my blog. haha. micro-para is also so-so because although the teachers give us test every meeting, the topics are well-explained and articulated well.

~O~

lovelife time. haha.

twaw. this name has become familiar to my classmates because he's one special guy for me right now. but there's no relationship yet (not that im rushing) just simple expressions of intentions to have one. haha.

~O~

yesterday, i was really problematic that i shed i few tears. maybe i was just stressed out and really tired. but anyway, thanks to the good hearts, and ears, of my beloved classmates: ellis mah labs and mama efraim for being there for me when i needed company. :)

~O~

the song 'girlfriend'

by kamikazee

is nyc.

really nyc.

toxic.

2006-06-28T01:44:00.000-07:00

almost three weeks in school and i am already very exhausted, physically. my books are just too big for my liking (they're about 3 inches thick, btw) and the "perks" of commuting seem to take their toll on me (not that i mind..haha..guess why!). i usually arrive home by 8 or 9 because of my heavily loaded schedule (my dismissal time is 6pm) and so, my studying and working time are reduced to a painstaking 3-hour span. now, my eyebags are bigger because my maximum sleeping time is 4 hours. my mind refuses to give up but my body is betraying me.

im toxic, extremely toxic. i haven't gotten the rest i need and again, i am physically very exhausted.

yet, i still love nursing.

why so?

because, the reward i get from all the hardships is totally worth it. my course may be quite difficult but hey, spending time with my beloved friends and classmates, and exercising and exhausting my mind to its limits because of all the things that i learn surely makes up for all those.

this sounds emo, i know. but this is just a way of venting out all the exhaustion in my body from all the stress that i've been bombarded with for the last 2 weeks or so of school.

nyahaha.

2006-06-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

finally! an update for my blog. hehe. i missed blogging. i missed it because this my only way of venting out my emotions that i don't like the members of this household to see. nyahaha. ;)

anyway, another finally! because i saw xmen 3 yesterday (in mall of asia, which kinda sucked because the tix were for a single screening. damn.). but anyway, it was fun coz i watched it with a friend. hugh jackman was - is - just so HOT!! my God. but again, comments, comments, comments.

subjectively, the movie was really good. hehe. but i think the director (i think it has the same director as superman returns) placed all the characters in the same "level of importance". i mean, no one was acting as the "leader" coz cyclops died (he was killed by "the phoenix" which is believed to be jean grey's alter-ego) and as jean grey termed it, wolverine was already "tamed". professor x also died, through the phoenix's doing, and he asked storm to become his successor. but of course, storm wasn't really the leader material.

i also wondered where the blue, lizard-like guy went (sorry, i just cant remember his name).

the love triangle between iceman, kitty, and rogue was okay. but of course, love triangles are pointless, and in this version, rogue asked to be "cured" of her mutant gene because she isn't able to do what most couples do with her boyfriend.

leech's power is awesome. hehe.

magneto learned his lesson.

unfortunately, angel's character wasn't emphasized but his "presence" was still felt. hehe.

wolverine is really hot. hehe. i just love him. is it just me or is hugh jackman's supernatural character ends up with a dead woman in his arms in the climactic part of the story? yes, he had to kill jean because her powers were already controlling her. so at the end, there were 3 dead main characters: jean, cyclops, and prof x.

all in all, it was really good. i love what they did but it's not something you'd really call spectacular. well, i'd be contented with this version because if it had too much, it would be ambitious. onto the next attraction: superman returns. hehe.

brandon routh does not resemble christopher reeves. and the suit has to change. believe me.

but i will definitely watch my fave superhero's movie. :D

~O~

i saw 9 guys in superman t-shirt yesterday.

nyahaha.

~O~

now i curse you for being so sweet and so kind.

sigh.

~O~

the bench...chi code.

2006-05-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

thank God im finally home. safe and still kicking! nyahaha. well, we just came back from malolos, bulacan. my mom and i went there to visit our relatives. actually, it's the first time that i met some of my relatives in the velasco side here in luzon because most of the time, i see those in the jalasan side. it was more enjoyable than expected, although my cousins, who were mostly older than i, were rather very reserved and quiet. but it still was okay because we drank a few bottles of beer and red wine and 'karaoke-d' until 3am. kuya joel and ate donna were the only ones i got to talk to. and thanks to kuya joel for installing an mp3 player-software in my phone. im still finding out a way on how to transfer my mp3's from the pc to my phone though. and i also have this nth-degree cousin, kuya eric, who looks like uchiyama from gokusen minus the blond hair. nyahaha. unfortunately, i wasn't able to talk to him, kuya louie (the really good-looking one who did nothing but play their ps), and kuya junel (sorry, im not sure of the spelling) because of the reason stated above. anyway, all in all, the overnight stay was okay and enjoyable. ;)

~O~

gackt's 'missing' is touching.

being happy for the one you love because she/he has found her/his happiness...

even if
it's not with you.

awww.

~O~

while we were on our way home, i noticed this 'hang ten' advertisement in balintawak. i think the model's the one who portrayed daniel han's character in the koreanovela 'wonderful life'. if you happen to pass by balintawak, tell me what you think.

~O~

yehey! my eyes are okay now. they're no longer bloodshot and i don't look like a drug addict. nyahaha. yehey!

~O~

isn't it just annoying everytime a nagging voice in your head starts to speak whenever you fail to do something good (at least in societal standards)? just this afternoon, while we were at the bus, there was this guy who was giving out pieces of papers stating that he and his family need your help financially so if you can give whatever amount blah blah. i really didn't know how and what to react immediately because my mom returned the papers as quickly as he gave them. and so, i continued staring at nothing while the nagging voice in my head started its sermon. i don't know if it's called conscience because while it was blabbing of the karma thingies taught during theology, it was also saying excuses on why it wasn't really wrong to not give the man some help. but i just told it to shut up coz i'd rather get sleep (i only slept from 3am to 630am) than listen to its unending blabbing.

was that wrong?

~O~

damn.

i haven't watched X3.

i haven't watched the davinci code.

damn it all.

on the enrolment, i am so going to
watch those movies.

share. :D

~O~

the pbb big four weren't the ones i expected. i think mikee and clare don't belong there. no offense to ateneans and natives of bukidnon but i don't think they've made much impact - a difference in kuya's house. clare's really a TH for me while mikee, i think, just got included in the big four because people want a love triangle between him, kim, and gerald. that's why i don't think they deserve to be there.

apparently, the voting results say otherwise. life.

~O~

i love you baby.
and if it's quite alright, i need you baby,
to warm the lonely night.

dont do unto others...

2006-05-26T22:26:00.000-07:00

isn't it funny how people dwell on their pain without seeing the pain of others? i think as humans, it is an instinct for us to become selfish. it is natural drive for us to shield ourselves from the pains of this world and when we become pained, we are more likely to dwell on our pains without noticing that other people may be as pained as us. in the process, we become unknowingly selfish and inconsiderate. oh well. no use thinking about it anymore. it may not be our fault that we can't immediately see the pain of others. it takes a lot to become selfless in such a short lifetime lived in a selfish world.

~O~

thanks to arashi.

they cheered me up with their rendition of

cant take my eyes off you.

ready. steady. go!

2006-05-25T04:42:00.000-07:00

I AM SO HAPPY!!

first of all because taylor hicks is the new american idol! woohoo! soul patrol! soul patrol! soul patrol! my God. isn't that the greatest? this morning, my friend was such a spoiler (you know who you are!) but anyway. haha. i had this gut feeling that taylor would win. congratulations to him! and his song 'do i make you proud?' is good too. hehe. woohoo!

second of all because i am finally cleared in the demented physical examination. yes sir! congratulations to mimai_baitganda for making it too. we saw each other this afternoon and she was also doing her laboratory examination. share lang po! :D

~O~

got soul?

lemonade, anyone?

2006-05-24T01:43:00.000-07:00

what ruins a good lemon?

now, pardon me, especially those who know what lemons are. i guess, im just a wide reader. and besides, im not the only one. haha.

anyway, back to the question. just like any reading material, the sense of lemons are destroyed because of the grammatical errors or "misspellings" of the writer. i mean, i dont really expect all writers to be perfect in their writing (because i for one am very imperfect). but i guess, when you write something, especially if you're gonna publish it, a writer must make sure that it really has minimal errors. and the quality of lemons nowadays have become really low, i guess. not like the ones i read before (that reached 40++ pages) which really have a "story". now, most lemons are written just to satisfy the perversion of both the writer and reader. i miss the good ol' days.

sorry if this is meaningless. the ranting of a lemon reader and ex-addict.

not quite conjunctivitis.

2006-05-23T04:06:00.000-07:00

my God. im going crazy because my eyes. they're really red right now that you might think it's conjunctivitis that's causing it. unfortunately, the redness is the only thing that connects it to conjunctivitis because my eyes aren't itching, "tearing" excessively, no pus-like substance produced - nothing, only redness. i searched in yahoo! for a clue on what's causing my eyes' redness. unfortunately, i have found nothing. please help me if you know anything that might tell me what's happening to my eyes. because the space in these letters is as close as i can get to freaking out. i've been drowning my eyes in visine for two days now. huhu. MY EYES!

~O~

nine inch nails' 'hurt' is cool.

i will let you down.

i will make you hurt.

nyahaha.

~O~

everyone in this household seems to be down with an illness. my brother has stupidity, my mom has flu, my aunt has colds, and i have UTI, anemia, and the 'redness in my eyes'. my God. only joking about my brother's (nyahaha). how can i go to uste and be cleared in my physical exam when i have these 'sicknesses' bothering me? huhu.

~O~

anyone who's opinionated and open-minded (yes, both are required) visit http://missingpoints.livejournal.com/. okie? it's a "blog" by a good friend of my kuya's, mr. patrick salamat. go lang. and you'll find out why i said opinionated and open-minded. :D

~O~

just a question (and please answer truthfully): why do you think men subject themselves to marital infidelity? please, please. i need your opinions for a paper. thanks!

~O~

to all my friendly friends:

textmates, chatmates, and the like.

i may be non-existent for the next few days.

IF my diseases don't leave me alone.

2006-05-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

can you believe it? another blog early in the morning. haha. actually, i was planning to blog last night but my head was just throbbing unbearably, my eyes couldn't stand radiation. and there's something new again. i've actually typed this in notepad first before posting here in blogger. why? thankfully i had the instinct to call tri-isys first and i found out that i only have 0 hours, 37 minutes, and 56 seconds in my internet card credits. haha. anyway, i'll be really fast online. im gonna stretch that 37 minutes to about 3 days. nyahahaha.

~O~

damn. i just found out that we won't be able to enrol unless we're cleared in the physical exam. my God. damn UTI. and damn ANEMIA. huhu. my meds (whose prices are sky-high) are really mandatory. im still looking for alternatives so that i can have the antibiotics for a lesser price. life, life, life. my mom's so gonna give me the evil eye, again. and of course, the sermon about not taking care of myself and stuff would come, again. damn.

~O~

gackt's mirror is cool.

really, really cool.

~O~

everyone around me seems to find and have relationships. and whenever they find out that i dont have one, they become really surprised and i dont know why. oh well. maybe it's all in their perception of me. but as most of my college friends know, i am very much happy being single with an uncommitted, free, and uncomplicated life. it's actually really great you know. although it may get lonely once in a while. but it's no big. i mean, through being single i can appreciate more of what i am and what i have. and the feeling's just great. i can flirt, i can work, i can do whatever i want without worrying about a commitment that must always be taken into account(except for my relationship with my family which will be a different story).

not to worry though. i still intend to have relationships in the future. i just want to have the time for myself first so that i'd be really ready for another relationship. making mistakes does teach you a lesson or two but it burns you out eventually. maybe that's what happened to me. and the next time, i have assured myself, that i'd make it work out, be happy, and make my partner happy too. and if possible, i'll make it really last. as in last.

~O~

filipino catholicism is just annoying sometimes. they tend to be really exaggerated especially when it comes to controversies regarding the church. i mean, hello?? the da vinci code is just a movie. and i think columbia pictures did make it clear that the movie is a version of the book which is FICTION - created by the wonderful imagination of dan brown. besides, faith, like other things in this little world of ours is subjective. one cannot control what another WANTS to believe in. they're just too paranoid because the church has skeletons in the closet. styupid, styupid.

reminds me of the question of one character in lost:

who are we to tell others what they can or cannot do?

~O~

patient: what're the pills you're taking?

dr. house: im in pain.

patient: aren't we all?

~O~

i was really surprised last night. bj and tyler were the winners of amazing race 9!!! woohoo! i thought they were eliminated. i really dont know how or why but i am surely and definitely glad that they won! woohoo!!! congratulations to them! in your face MoJo! joke. hehe.

and ladies and gents! taylor hicks is in the finale of american idol together with katherine mcphee. hehe. woohoo!!! he's so great. especially when he sang you are so beautiful. OMG. i swear, i'd faint if he sang that to me. nyahahaha. GO TAYLOR HICKS! SOUL PATROL!

sheer desperation.

2006-05-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

this is something new. im blogging at 10:43 in the morning. haha. well, just read the cbox to find out why. :D

~O~

im getting extremely bored with this summer. i staunchly wish that the school year will start soon. it will only be until then that i'll be able to speak to some real human. im losing my nerve over the people in this household - my mom refuses to talk to me in a humane way (i wonder why? *rolls eyes*), my brother can't even start a decent conversation without sounding stupid to me, and my aunt's too preoccupied with her life. damn. the three closest conversations i can have with a real human are: 1.) texting my kuya (who's asleep most of the time because of work), 2.) talking to my dad whenever he calls (which isn't that often cause long-distance calls cost much), and 3.) chatting with my good ol' friends. my God. i wish i have someone real to talk to. not some people who choose to talk to some other people distances away instead of me, just an arm's reach away. duh.

~O~

i've been having a struggle lately. although it's not as shallow as eating or something. hehe. but seriously, i've been struggling not to return to my old self.

why?

well, MICO's OLD SELF is defined as the very immature, overly-dramatic, overly-emotional, overly-sensitive, and overly-pessimistic being who does nothing but dwell over her shortcomings causing her self-esteem to go beyond negative infinity.

now, for those who know me, you may say that im still like that but what i am now is what you call the "lite" version. hmmm.

if you were in my shoes, would you want to go back?

yeah. the answer is a big NO.

what should i do?

when everything seems too negative for me. not even hyde's music can comfort me (but believe me, it's the only string keeping me sane these days, aside from my bestfriends).

HELP.

yushi.

2006-05-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

watashi wa yushi o irimasu.

~O~

today, i went out with my bestfriends. we lunched out, had several vodka shots, watched poseidon, and overexercised our ability to use the public comfort room. i swear, i used the cr for eight times, and believe me, that's record-breaking!

i really had a great time with them. i think i wont ever have a dull time with them around. it was really fun that's why i didn't share my problem with them during the time we were together. i wouldn't want to ruin the day. and although im desperately wishing i could put the pain im feeling right now into words, i dare not to. it's kinda personal - too private, in fact - and it concerns someone who regularly checks in, in my blog.

but of course, i wouldn't have the courage to stop crying if not for my *selected* friends to whom i have shared my ordeal. thanks so much to those people. i appreciate it very much. you know who you are. it's nice knowing you guys are around. if you weren't i wouldn't know what i would've done.

oh well. it's time to move on.

~O~

poseidon sucks. i swear. that's why i don't recommend it.

why?

well, while the action sequences are okay and the acting of the characters were also okay, the movie lacked emotion. i think, although it is an action-suspense movie, i think the drama shouldn't be lost, not that the audience also appreciates an excess. like for example, the death of kurt russell wasn't really emphasized. i mean, the daughter (emmy rossum, also from the phantom of the opera) should have been given more emotion. i didn't really feel like she lost a father. i was looking for the armageddon type of drama (between liv tyler and bruce willis). i think i even felt more seeing valentine (this guy whose real name unknown to me) die. although, his death wasn't really given meaning *again* because this girl (elena, real name also unknown to me but i know she played as jennifer garner's sister in alias) who he helped wasn't informed of his death, not that she looked for him which was bogus. elena also died, which was, i think, the most emphasized because all the characters showed sadness during her death, especially that navy guy (doesn't it suck when you don't know their names?). the deaths of the passengers weren't even given importance, knowing that it was about a sunken ship which carried thousands of passengers. the captain's character wasn't also emphasized enough. i didn't feel the desperation to protect his pride nor the strength of character he should've showed knowing he was "captain". and his speech wasn't moving enough. stacy ferguson's (black-eyed peas) character as the "singer" was okay. good vocals and sexy delivery. but her character as, i think, the captain's lover or even just as a "friend", was just 'huh??'.

i think what the producers and the director (wolfgang petersen which rings a bell. can anyone share any of his past movies?) emphasized was how the characters survived. the ending also sucked because there were no "sharing" whatsoever of the lives of the survivors after the incident. it just ended when the rescuers found them, nothing more. if they were aiming for a cliffhanger thing, then they weren't succesful. no offense, but i think i'd prefer titanic's production.

my bestfriend's were ridiculing me for choosing such movies ('ang corny talaga ni b1!'), because this is not the first one. i was also the one who chose 'swimfan' back then which wasn't satisfactory either. haha. but we just laugh about it. haha.

~O~

stay away.

stay away from me jerks.

damn all of you.

rot in hell. that's where you belong.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE.

I hate you.

i HATE you.

i hate YOU.

evil&pain.

2006-05-14T04:00:00.000-07:00

people used to ask me why i'd refer myself as dev_il or devilisheretic or superman_devil. i'd always answer them that i prefer the evil from good because in this world - in the real plane - there's no such thing as a happy ending; good doesn't always conquer the evil. those who always choose the right path end up suffering while the evil gets the chance to feed on those suffering. don't get me wrong, i still believe in God and in His existence. let's just say im one of those "opened" already. i can accept life for what it is (though most of my friends would say it isn't obvious).

and just an hour ago, i truly proved that evil does exist. even in the most "holy" of religions.

i was cleaning up my in-boxes in gmail and in yahoo. there was this forwarded mail about an 8-year-old boy in Iran (or was that Iraq?) who was caught stealing. i can't remember what he stole but his punishment is something i can't forget. his left arm was run over by a car so it would be crushed. honestly, i tried to cover my eyes, expecting a gory and bloody picture. surprisingly it wasn't bloody but it became ironically more disturbing. i saw his face all crunched up in pain. it is a powerpoint presentation that's why the pictures were showed slowly. as if really depicting the slow and agonizing pain that the poor boy was in.

something in one of the slides made me think.

"...he was being punished in the name of Islam..."

no offense to Islam, but i think what they did was really screwed. and although i believe that pain does teach you a thing or two, i also believe that your punishment should be what is due you. i mean, there are a lot of bad guys out there who have done more than stealing but they are even allowed to visit their mothers or attend certain occasions as long as the judiciary would allow them (if you know who i mean). well, maybe we're not Moslems or something but the point is, it was an 8-yr-old they were punishing. did they even looked into what he stole or why he stole it?

my God. it's such an evil, evil world out there.

so be careful.

~O~

there was also one of those forwarded messages - chain messages, more appropriately - about being harmed if you don't produce 24 copies and pass it on.

i did pass 24 copies (actually, more than that) but that was purely out of the belief "walang namang mawawala kung maniniwala" and of course, courtesy to the one who sent it.

i don't really agree in the messages of those chain mails. they tell you that you'll die or someone in your family will be hit with misfortune if you don't pass it. i don't believe that the God that i believe in would just go punishing you if fail to forward the mail. because if that's the case, constantine would be so right when he said that God is a spoiled brat or something (i have rephrased it coz i can't remember). it's actually bogus, but you can't actually do something. it's become a part of the email life.

~O~

damn.

these are some of the reasons why religion is so cliche and tiring.

sigh.

mother earth.

2006-05-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

yesterday, "caloy" was just unstoppable. the rains were unending and so, my beloved room was filled with as much water as "caloy" could put in. my aunt and i (since we shared the room) had to clean the mess up before the time for el shaddai came. then, i also decided to throw away most of the scratch papers and arrange the useful ones. and so, i came across several letters given to me back in high school. recollection letters, retreat letters, "letters", and etc. it was pretty nostalgic.

when i read the letters, i recalled most of memories of my high school life. and several letters (from someone i wont mention) reminded me of one distinct experience (which happened during senior year) that i think i wont be able to forget. it was definitely painful, although i have moved on. reading the letters made some of the pain come back but there was nothing i could do. promises, both broken and kept, were contained in those letters; words that swooned me and blinded me from reality were there too. too bad, it was too good to last. but, as they say, it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

...that is why i didn't have the courage to read all the letters...

~O~

it's mother's day and this year is the only year that i didn't give my mom a gift. why? because experience taught me that giving my mom something material would just be wasting money. so i, instead, plan to just be the goody-good daughter which my mom expects me to be. haha. hopefully it'll just do the trick for the approval of my DSL. nyahahaha. joke.

~O~

i don't know if it's just idleness or im just the typical human which has a pair of X's for a 23rd chromosome. i am, again, itching to renovate this blog of mine. haha. maybe because i have finally been able to use corel draw. haha. but anyway, im still thinking about it. :)

~O~

because of caloy, i learned something from my kuya:

the world is very unpredictable.

that's why it's called "mother earth".

haha.

losing&moving on.

2006-05-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

last wednesday, i was at my lowest. why? because, i lost a boyfriend. my iPocket got busted - it died a painful death.

if you've been reading my posts, it would be quite obvious who the culprit is. yes, you guessed it right. my damn younger brother did the hideous crime. now, i've got no one to accompany me at night, comfort me when i need it, and be present when im alone. i felt like crying and believe me, until now, im in a dangerously murderous mode.

and so, i had to suppress the anger. the light of san miguel was present and so, together with a friend, i tried to drown the pain in alcohol. but damn is it still so painful.

now i know how it feels to lose someone dear. and how it is not to be able to move on.

~O~

okay, enough with the drama and being over-emo. haha. actually, im quite over it. but im still on murderous mode.

anyway, my kuya and i (together with my abominable younger brother) went to cavite to visit my grandmom. it was fun, although we ran out of pizza (in less than 30 minutes upon arrival) and pasta. but nevertheless, we had fun.

of course, the talks i have with my brother are just fun. and the ones today aren't exceptions. singularity and relationships are of course the main topic and how 'love can make you do stupid things'. but i'll keep the details to myself. haha.

~O~

i am so happy that taylor hicks is one of the final three in the american idol! yehar! talk about amazing! i just hope...

but aside from that, im quite sad that chris daughtry was eliminated. i swear, i knew mcphee was going. but anyway. poor chris. he deserved staying more. apparently not for the american audience.

GO TAYLOR HICKS!!!

~O~

momo.

can you also be my pet?

2006-05-08T04:57:00.000-07:00

matsumoto jun.

i finally know why you remind me of jerry yan.

and that's because of meteor garden.

and hana yori dango.

haha.

damn it. again.

2006-05-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

here i am, again. hating the world which is hating me back. damn it. people are just too stupid and annoying for their own good.

~O~

i have had it. my brother is the worst brother, ever. everyday, he's growing more and more disrespectful not only towards me but also towards everyone in this household.

why?

first, he's made it a habit to answer back without reason. i mean, i answer my parents back but i only do that when it's necessary and when i know i am within reason. but definitely not my brother. no sir! he answers with the most annoying, most "pilosopo" answers! i got so pissed earlier that i was able to slap him. im not exactly proud about it because first of all, i don't like slapping people, and second, i just had to slap him to shut him up.

second, he brings out the worst in people. period.

third, he needs to be reminded of everything. my God. he needs to grow up.

but yes, i admit, i have to stretch my patience more. damn it.

~O~

friendship. i used to think most people knew what "friendship" is about.

how wrong i was.

gokusen's episode for today was about friendship. well, i agree with the teacher (sorry, i always mix up her name, so to save myself from shame, i called her "teacher"..haha..) when she said that people should not only be fair-weather friends. friendship is truly measured when it remains strong when challenges come or when the going gets tough and the tough gets going. i sure am proud of my friends.

but i also believe that if you truly are a friend, you should know and be aware of the limitations of the friendship. "Help" isn't always welcomed especially when you don't get the whole picture of the situation or when the person needs and wants to handle the situation by his/herself. being a friend doesn't necessarily require you to always "help" or come in aid of your friend. sometimes, you have to let them experience the hardship because people need to learn. and when you see that your friend needs your help, then that would be the time to give it to them. not that it should always be asked for; there's something we call initiative. hay.

so take note: there are things that are ought not to be meddled with. even if it concerns your friend.

~O~

watashi no inochi wa nikui desu.

sigh.

~O~

forgive me. im on ranting mode. again.

liars go to hell.

2006-05-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

today, i was gorging over the chocolate mousse bought and given by jek. well, to state the obvious, it is one of my favorites. haha. it was just simply heaven that again, i almost forgot about my supposed-to-be diet. well, so far, i've already lost my targeted 10lbs. yippee! it's fulfilling that's why im maintaining it.

~O~

my ate ena had asked me to upload some mp3's into her memory card and i've discovered some very meaningful and wonderful songs. mary j. blige's 'give me you', tamia's duet with eric benet 'spend my life with you' and 'one wish' by ray-j. again, simple melodies with very meaningful messages.

but although i've discovered these songs, it's still incomplete coz i haven't downloaded another hyde song. but anyway. i just hope mom favors the dsl thing. she's just so reluctant to things like that. i can't blame her though coz she's the primary 'budgeter'. but i just wish her decision will favor us (my brother and i). keeping my fingers crossed!

~O~

ladies and gentlemen, i am just so happy that taylor hicks is still in the game! yes sir. he's one of the finalists for american idol and im truly, truly wishing that he'll get what he'll deserve. for those who can vote, please vote taylor hicks! hehe.

~O~

can anyone please explain to me why brothers are just so hard to handle? im sorry coz i've been blabbing about how irritating my brother is. but he's just so annoying. he brings out the worst in everyone, i swear. but anyway, congratulations to him. he has this award tomorrow. he's an honor, hopefully. coz if he wasn't, mom would have probably had his head. haha. now that's a thought.

~O~

ladies and gentlemen, congratulate me for i have finally found the friendster account of one of my crushes. haha. he's the A in A, C, P, and W. haha. sorry, im exaggerating again. my classmates know him and for those who know, quiet na lang kayo, awryt? haha.

~O~

that guy in gokusen is just so good-looking.

he reminds me pretty much of jerry yan.

haha.

yum, yum!

~O~

im kind of disappointed in pbb. nina was evicted when i know it's olyn who deserved to be. well, i'd prefer nina over olyn because olyn is just so tactless. nina's kikay-ness is tolerable for me. at least she doesn't go saying that other people's fathers are walang kwenta.

i heard aldred sing earlier! my God. his voice is honestly so much better than sam milby's. sorry for the milby fans out there. but just telling the truth. haha. =P

~O~

i have to correct myself. in one of my previous posts, i was questioning pacquiao's credibility to be included in the army.

one of my cousins told me that once you've gained honor for the country, especially in sports, you get to have a chance to have a position in the army. it's actually a privilege - an honor. anyway, not much of a deal now. it's not as if pacman's gonna go fire bullets in mindanao to defend the "state" from the abu sayyaf. haha. hope he wins against larrios, though.

~O~

i miss my kuya.

~O~

the da vinci code is just around the cinema's corners. hehe. im really interested in watching it and i hope i get to watch it with friends. hmmmm. why my friends? because i have no one to go with who's open-minded enough to watch it. everyone in this household holds on to the church's dogma as if their lives depended on it. anyway, it's a must-watch. for me, at least. hehe. (because honestly, i haven't read the book).

erratum.

2006-05-05T04:33:00.000-07:00

im sorry. a grammatical error.

MoJo cancelled everyone else's cabs.

hehe. sorry. im just so disappointed that bj and tyler lost. :D

of races. and religion.

2006-05-05T04:11:00.000-07:00

damn. bj and tyler were eliminated from amazing race 9. damn you MoJo!!! my God. monica has to be the bitchiest bitch ever! to think you cheated because you cancelled the cabs of everyone else's cabs. damn you joseph and monica because, because of you my favorite tandem is now eliminated!

anyway, bj and tyler aren't sore losers. they accepted their defeat and still remained friends - bestfriends. that's what i really admire about them. no matter how trying the challenges are and how difficult the race is, they still remain as the cool hippies that they are. when one makes a mistake, the other understands. that's what real bestfriends do!

because of that, i've realized that i've got three great bestfriends. i can't say it's the perfect kind of friendship but amid all the things we've gone through - the tampuhans and stuff - we still remain the best of friends. thanks guys! i miss you three. i guess college life just doesn't allow us to be that close anymore but im still thankful that we find time to bond. i love you!

~O~

today, mom got the results for my physical exam. fortunately, no abnormalities for me. hehe. proves that im still human, after all. haha.

incoming thomasian nursing sophomores: on the scheduled date, dun ba gagawin ung isa pang set ng tests? the one attached to the recommendation letter. may payment pa kaya un?

thanksies!

~O~

pardon me. here i am, about to blab again, about hyde. my one and only hyde. hehe.

i just downloaded a couple of tracks from his latest album. the music's really good and the religious theme is quite questionable and i think there's something behind the album being "religious". because his previous album "666" is the reciprocal. anyway, the lyrics are good except you can't really understand them immediately when hyde sings it because of his diction. but i love him all the same. hehe.

and what surprised me too was that his lead guitarist and other musician are from nine inch nails, and his bassist from a perfect circle (a personal favorite too). lalang. im just amazed. :D

anyway, for jrock fans, his album may come as a surprise but nevertheless, it's still a really good piece of jrock. \m/

sorry. im in love with the guy. haha.

~O~

si tu croix, si tu croix, si tu croix

en toi.

this band aid's killing me.

2006-05-04T06:41:00.001-07:00

today, i did the demented physical exam. my left arm feels like it wants to fall off from my shoulders because of that 50cc of blood taken from me. my God. there's also slight bruising. my muscles are so "maarte" today. but anyway, my arm muscle aches are nothing compared to what happened earlier.

mom and i went together to uste. we rode the fx which was so freaking microwave-like. the ride was so hellacious, i swear.

and to top that fx thing, the fx's radio was set in 90.7. it was so annoying the way the radioman said, "ako po ang inyong ka-talsik laway...monsour.." my God. who would want to be called "ka-talsik laway"? and when he played that song by air supply making love out of nothing, the woman in front of me just had to sing along with it! her voice was not that bad, actually. but the thing is, i really don't like singing in public (unless it's a public affair with the stage, microphone, and all), much less hearing other people doing it. i mean, no offense, but is it really necessary?

and then, when we got off in front of the city hall, all jeepneys were going to espana. when finally i spotted a dapitan-ust and got on it, my mom was just staring at me about 25 feet away. as if she wasn't seeing me. and then, she started looking for me. i really got annoyed because i had to get off of the jeepney again. under the scorching sun!

anyway, when we got in uste, the heat was sort of lessened. we immediately went to the hospital to take care of my physical exam. fortunately, i saw anthony who just finished his exam and i was able to ask for some info. i won't include a detailed description of the wonders i did in uste. only that i was stupid enough not to realize that there was a comfort room inside the laboratory so i really didn't have to go to carpark cr which had no ventilation whatsoever. i looked like an overworked carinderia employee when i got out; people were staring at me already.

what was exciting about the exam was the blood thing. hehe. when i got in, there was this boy carried by his father. blood was also to be taken from the little boy. he was really crying because i think he was afraid of the needle. the nurse and his father could not calm him down. i really pity him. anyway, when i saw my own bloog flowing into the syringe, i found it awfully..erm, cute. hehe. i really don't know but the thought was just exciting. hehe. don't mind me and my sick mind.

and so, after being consequentially subjected to the scorching heat of the sun and the mind-freezing cold of the hospital laboratory, we went for lunch. i couldn't believe it. i ate rice for breakfast and there i was eating rice again. my God. i was earning more calories than i was losing.

on our way home, aboard another microwave oven-like fx, traffic became terribly heavy when we got in tambo. it only lightened a bit when we got in multinational. imagine being stuck in traffic while being broiled to death. OMG.

anyway, we got off in SMJ. it's sort of my tita's despidida because she's headed to Dubai; her flight's tomorrow. we first went to penshoppe where i saw these shirts saying, "i will marry the vocalist" and "im in love with the bassist". hehe. nice one. reminds me of hyde and tetsu. hmmm. and there was this one that said, "im with the drummer". hmmm. hehe.

we also went to SMJ2 to buy some kikay stuff. hehe. O. M. G. im turning gay! not that it's bad. but i dont want to lose the fifty-fifty ratio between me being a girlish and boyish. hmmm. hehe. but anyway.

and so, i concluded the day with rice for dinner. again.

~O~

damn ABS-CBN. it's MMK already. where's wonderful life? damn them. how come they cut wonderful life? grrrr!!! not that im not interested in MMK's episode. it's just that i'd prefer watching wonderful life too. damn it.

~O~

i went to natio too. but unlike what i've promised myself, i wasn't able to buy a rice book (because obviously i haven't finished the obsession book) but i purchased, instead, another japanese language book. hehe. well, im really into studying it so i think rice can wait. :)

~O~

as soon as forever is through,

i'll be over you.

this band aid's killing me.

2006-05-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

mom and i went together to uste. we rode the fx which was so freaking microwave-like. the ride was so hellacious, i swear.

and so, i concluded the day with rice for dinner. again.

~O~

as soon as forever is through,

i'll be over you.

kung akin lang ang mundo, ibibigay ko siya sa'yo.

2006-05-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

mom celebrated *again* her birthday. three friends of mine came and my cousin and uncle came. it wasn't a feast nor a banquet but there definitely was - is - an abundance of spaghetti, afritada, and roast pork. fundador ran out and so red horse was bought; softdrinks were also brought in. and so, all thoughts of diet were thrown out the window. OMG.

~O~

what is it with little brothers that their lives wouldn't be complete without pestering other people? i honestly am *very* tired of my brother acting the way he does. it so sickening, annoying, and angering. grrr! why can't boys just grow up psychologically as fast as women?

this reminds me of one of the things that my socio-anthro teacher shared last semester. this is pretty chauvinistic, but anyway.

vegetation (plants, trees, etc.) are abundant and develop the fastest among species because they serve as food for animals. animals, likewise, are abundant and develop faster than humans because they serve, not only as food, for humans. WOMEN outnumber men by 1:6 ratio and develop faster because they have to serve men.

this, thus, insinuates that men are superior to women. this also serves as an *alibi* for the nth-timers out there - the men who are insatiably *collecting* women as trophies (jerks, in short).

as much as i hate to know and believe these, i can't really erase "reality". of course, it'll just be according to you if you believe it or not.

but one thing's for sure: it's so damn chauvinistic.

~O~

tomorrow, my mom and i are going to ust for my physical exam. that's why i haven't imbibed a single drop of alcohol. although my mom is not against me drinking, she requested me not to drink tonight because there might be some glitches in my physical exam results. damn. but anyway, who's to say i can't drink *after* the physical exam? hahahaha. *evil grin* (apple, im looking forward to friday night. *wink*)

~O~

how could i have missed it?

i just "discovered" that gokusen is being aired in GMA7. pardon my being a solid kapamilya. hehe. i was surfing the channels and i came across the final five minutes. fortunately, i was able to watch the first two episodes through a friend. hmmm. another program to add to my schedule. hihi.

abs-cbn has just started airing eternal love. out of interest, i watched the 1st episode. the storyline is okay but the action scenes are just so obviously fake and the special effects are unforgivable. i mean, they could've done better with the stunts and effects because the story is good. and while the lead female is very pretty, the lead male is... anyway, it's fairly bearable.

~O~

im missing harry potter. i hope book seven's coming soon. im really interested on how j.k. rowling will end it. hmmm. as for now, i can only guess if harry's gonna have a happy ending with ginny. sigh. sigh. sigh.

~O~

im missing anne rice. i haven't read a rice book since like forever because i haven't finished the zahir. but as soon as im on the last page of the obsession book, i am so headed to natio for another rice book.

anyone who has read christopher rice? would you recommend him?

~O~

lee ji hun.

YOU ARE SUCH A HOTTIE!

i beg your pardon.

2006-05-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

and what do you know. this blog published my supposed-to-be-unpublished blog entry. hehe. actually, i was supposed to update this blog two days ago. unfortunately, again, my internet card got figuratively burned out and so my entry wasn't published. and again, perhaps there wasn't a lesson learned because i wasn't able to save it in some other place. result: another blog entry gone and wasted.

when will i ever learn.

perhaps, today. hopefully.

~O~

two days ago, the news said that manny pacquiao was granted the position of sergeant in the philippine army. i actually thought - think - it weird that pacman was granted such position. i mean, the peace promotion thing is okay but to give him a position is just plain questionable. is he even qualified in terms of education?

this event is one of the occasions when i think our government is just totally screwed. some things - such as positions and stuff - are given out of utang na loob or plain fame. even when the qualifications are not met. my God. sorry, im not really that into politics but i think i know and i am quite aware of what's happening. correct me if i am wrong. but hey, that's just me.

~O~

yesterday, we celebrated my grandma and mom's birthday in advanced. my cousins, although not all, were there and my pamangkin. it was really enjoyable. we bonded and had fun. especially me because i got to spend time with my baby cousins! i missed being able to spend time with kids. yeah, i looked like their yaya. but it doesn't matter. i definitely enjoyed!

i also met my kuya pao's wife, ate che-che. she's also michelle. hehe. she's just gorgeous and witty. i think all michelle's are like that. haha! joke! hmmm. she's also invited us to their private resort in bulacan. we've agreed to come on the 19th and im really looking forward to it. although i intend to swim at night. i don't want to get a tan. (dream on jek, dream on.)

~O~

im very happy for my bestfriend, crislyn. she's finally learned a valuable lesson: to love herself above anyone else. that's on a positive note because most people mistake loving oneself for selfishness. it's more like knowing your limits. and knowing when enough is enough.

from my experience, in relationships, it should always be a give and take system. even when words are not said, you should make an effort to do your part in making it work. and if you find yourself in the situation where you are always the one who's giving, make the other party realize that you are not some 'katulong'. you ARE the GIRL/BOYFRIEND. and if you are the other party, be sensitive enough to know if you're partners unhappy already.

AND if you find yourself out of love with the person, nothing's better than being HONEST. it would be most wicked and cruel if you just leave the person hanging or leave without explanation. be courteous/respectful enough to know that the person you're leaving behind is human and has feelings. remember, what goes around, comes around.

~O~

i had another row with my mom. actually, i was the one who's mad this time. i was just sharing a chismax about kc concepcion being the mother of the supposed-to-be 3rd daughter of sharon cuneta. and she just had to react violently! like i was already killing the cuneta family. duh! i mean, i was just sharing. what was wrong with that? i was not forcing her to believe it.

sometimes, that's the problem with my mom. she just reacts immediately. my God. and mind you, she reacts violently. without holding back.

and i had a fault too. i lost my level-headedness. oh well. i guess. it takes two to tango. (huh? labo.)

~O~

aldred is cute. the perfect guy. but he just had to have that freaking inferiority complex. so he voluntarily got out of pbb.

i think of all the pyschological problems, inferiority complex is something i will never have. i mean, the occasional "humility" doesn't count. hehe. but kidding aside, i think it's all in the outlook. and the environment you grew up in. maybe aldred wasn't able to see the lighter side of things because he's been too absorbed in the darkness of his life. i don't know who's to blame but i hope he loses the complex soon. he wont be able to live life to the fullest with that kind of attitude.

~O~

pao.

thanks! hehe. i also realized that irimasu is technically for material things.

how literal could my translation get.

hehe.

anyway, thanks again.

a series of unfortunate events.

2006-04-25T05:36:00.000-07:00

today, i was having another struggle: how to translate 'i need you' to japanese. i was confused between 'anata ga irimasu' or 'anata o irimasu'. durn. i was just translating it literally and i was already confused.

~O~

last night, i was pissed with this blog. i already encoded a good amount of blog but the publishing was just... damn it and to think i only have about 2hrs left on my internet card. unfortunately, i could not recover what i typed. because i was so pissed, i just tried forgot about it. fortunately, i did.

MORAL: save your work in some other place first to have a back-up file.

~O~

yesterday, i had the inspiration to start another short story. i really have this thing of writing/encoding the story alone. i already set the computer and gackt's love letter was already playing. i even put the headphones on so that all noise can be shut out of my peaceful, wanting-to-write soul. what was so unfortunate *again* was that my freaking brother had to piss me off *again* by pestering me to no end. and so, the inspiration drained out of me and all i managed to write were two sentences. deng.

~O~

bob ong's stainless longganisa is just hilarious. but of course, a lot can be learned from it. totally bob ong-ish. i remember reading the translations of the war worlds movie (from the pirated DVD he bought).

Soldier: Everbody down!!!

Translation: Altogether bow!

unfortunately, *again*, my brother only borrowed it (and already returned it) that's why i can't share more of the hilarious part. anyway, it's a must-read for bob ong readers and those writers who are in need of a good 'writer' story and of course, those in need of a good laugh.

~O~

i watched streaming videos of hyde (in youtube, as recommended by pao). the videos were just so cute! hehe. especially that episode in utaban where he first met his current wife. his torpe-ness was just adorable! OMG. haha. and the video of their concert where he says f*ck 10times was just like foreplay. OMG. im nearing obsession. and im liking it. ;)

hyde + saying f*ck 10 times = foreplay

~O~

anyone.

please tell me the translation of 'i need you' in japanese.

onegaishimasu.

domo arigatou gozaimasu! :)

~O~

recently, my player has been blaring magpakailanman by rocksteddy, cuida by sugarfree, and we belong by toni gonzaga. i know the last one's quite corny. but hey. it's cute. all three songs are simple yet very meaningful. hopeless romantics like me: it's a must-hear.

i swear. l'arc's lover boy is growing on me.

hmmm.

*ear reaching grin*

completely. you complete me.

2006-04-24T06:32:00.000-07:00

i finally had enough inspiration to start another short story today. but my stupid brother had to ruin it all. you see, i have this thing for writing/encoding stories that i pops into my mind alone. as in alone. but he had to come in my room and piss me off until all inspiration drained out of me. damn. because of that, i only managed to have two sentences. great. so much for wanting to write.

~O~

last friday, i saw this video of hyde in utaban (through youtube and pao) where he first met his current wife, megumi. i've watched it for the nth time now because it was so cute! hehe. his torpe-ness was funny. but i think it's really great that they ended together. they're just so cute. hehe. such a shame, rumors say they only have a son who i think is turning five this year.

~O~

anyone who can tell me when mtv asia awards in bangkok will be aired?

thanksies!

~O~

im surprised at myself. i usually finish a book in three days time but it's been two weeks now but i haven't finished the zahir. durn. i want to finish it soon. but i think there are other things which require my attention more. i mean, it's an interesting book but maybe so many concepts are put in at once that you have to race with the book. anyway, i'll be doing my best not to get exhausted.

~O~

congratulate me! i am currently self-studying (?) the japanese language. im getting the hang of it. im a little slow though. but i dont want to rush. it's pretty difficult studying it let alone by yourself. but anyway, it's the determination which matters. and thanks to all the books which i bought and the one given to me by a friend (jek) which are a great help.

~O~

to those fond of alternative rock. rocksteddy is so amazing! magpakailanman is so meaningful. it's simple but definitely meaningful. and call me corny but toni gonzaga's 'we belong' is amazing too. (now i sound like my old friend carla badi. she's fond of saying "'mazing, 'mazing!" hehe. share).

~O~

jibun o urandemo itami wa kie wa shinai.

weird.

2006-04-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

my mom's definitely weirding me out too much. and has also been pissing me off with her attitude since last night.

i don't know if it's the menopause thing or it's just one of her untiring and usual mood swings. but i know one thing for sure: IM NOT LIKING IT.

durn.

yesterday morning, until the afternoon, we were okay. not that we spent much time together (because i went out with friends), but i know we were cool with each other. and then, she started acting strangely (she wasn't talking to any of us in the house) when we were watching the telenovelas. she became quiet all of a sudden like she lost her voice and ability to talk. i tried to start some small talk but all i got was a deafening silence like i was just talking to myself. it got on my nerves so i talked to my aunt instead. i thought to myself, she'll get better tomorrow.

but NO. she's worse today. we were both left here in the house (because my aunt had to do her medical chuvaness and my brother went to school) but it was as if we didn't know each other. damn. im so pissed off. what the hell is my mom's problem?

but anyway, it's not much of deal for me now. she's a grown up and she can act however she wants. besides, i act similarly sometimes. we are living in a democratic country. so the hell i'll care anymore. (please don't mistake this for insensitivity.)

sorry kung malabo.

~O~

anyways, hyde has an upcoming album to be released on the 26th, called 'faith'. so anyone who's kind enough to buy me one, i'd really appreciate it. hehe. as if. dream on mico, dream on.

~O~

the new telenovela called wonderful life is just so cute! hehe. i recommend it to those who love romantic comedies. hehe. and that chinito guy is just, whoah! (not the main character. the one named.. i can't remember. basta ung pinang-two time nung isang girl.)

~O~

kasalanan bang mahulog para sa'yo?

mr. hyde, im having a bad day. and it's killing me.

akin ka na lang hyde, please?

one.

2006-04-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

my blog just turned 1!

i can't believe it.

i've been blogging for a year.

hehe.

to more years of endless and senseless rantings!

cheers!

the CSI effect.

2006-04-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

today, i cried over CSI. i shed i few tears for this particular episode because it was about forgiveness -- one thing i find hard to do and often takes a back seat when it comes to my personality.

in the episode today, detective jim brass was found to have killed (accidentally) officer bell. in bell's funeral, brass approached bell's wife to apologize. but before he even spoke, bell's wife stopped him and then embraced him. i was touched by this because it's not really easy forgiving the one person who has killed someone dear to you. and hurt you so much in the process.

honestly, i am not a really forgiving person. and i am amazed by those who can easily forgive. maybe because i've always been an overly sensitive person that one false move and my ego can crumble in an instant. and i have this tendency to just forget about the experience. that's why some of my friendships get irreparably destroyed and become more bitter as the wounds tend to rot than heal.

i remember reading in paulo coelho's the zahir that in order for you to heal yourself completely, you must first learn to forgive others' and, most especially, your own shortcomings. it may not be easy but it's the only way in which you can truly accept and go on with life.

and today, i remember, that this was precisely what fr. joel camaya, sdb pointed out to us in our senior year retreat. looking back, this was the way in which i was able to reconcile with my mom and rebuild our detroyed relationship as mother and daughter.

and just now, i realize, this may also be the only way in which i can heal the destroyed relationships in the past. im still on the process of finding a way of doing it but the bottomline is, i must forgive because i can't always be the bitter, immature person who always points out that it's them who can't move on without looking at myself.

that is why, the target for this year: LEARN TO FORGIVE, LEARN, and REMEMBER.

goodluck sken.

~O~

and just to share one of my fave lines in The Zahir:

FREEDOM is not the absence of commitments.

It is the ability to choose - and commit yourself to - what is best for you.

-Narrator

~O~

kasalanan bang mahulog para sa'yo?

to eat or not to eat.

2006-04-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

today, i was struggling over the lamest thing ever - WHAT TO EAT.

i was so agitated, honestly. i was pacing repeatedly in the dining room.

and because i couldn't decide, i settled on drowning myself in soya milk while watching sakura wars. damn diet. well, i really want the "diet" to work that's why i should sacrifice.

sigh.

but later, my mom took pity on me and gave me some of the kinilaw she made. it was heaven.

~O~

also today, i discovered wang lee-hom. he's a chinese singer. really good-looking. hehe. and good singing voice too. he's duet with lara fabian was touching and emotional. it's a must hear for hopeless romantics out there. :) and btw, he's also hosting this year's MTV asia music awards in bangkok, with kelly clarkson.

~O~

anyone who can tell me who was eliminated in american idol this week?

thanksies!

~O~

mahal kita. pero hindi mo lang alam.

kasalanan bang mahulog para sa'yo?

now, im standing above you.

trying hard not to tell you i love you.

and all that i want in this world is you.

if only you'd wake up

you'd know it was true.

of the deserving and undeserving.

2006-04-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

I AM SO HAPPY!

today, the names of those who can carry on to sophomore year were given. i was so relieved when i saw my name on the fifth paper. although i excessed (?) 0.02 points to be included in the dean's list, i still feel fulfilled because i passed the cutoff! yeehaar!!! thank you Papa God. You made it all happen! :)

but i still feel bad though because not all of us made it. and to think someone undeserving did! i mean, if i were ti judge and compare their performances, i'd say those who didn't pass deserved to be admitted to second year than him - that guy who did nothing but cut classes and absent himself with the 'family problem' as a lame and sorry excuse. come on! i should've done the same thing then. that was simpler and easier! and he freaking passed. damn! where has all the objective judgements (?) gone?

well, anyway, my classmates and i are planning to do some 'objection' on that. we're still on the process of thinking of ways to carry out the plan. because we can't just object without proofs and stuff like that. i hope those BSN 1-5 students who are reading this support the 'objection'.
i just hope it'll be succesful.

~O~

kasalanan bang mahulog para sa'yo?

the crybaby cries. again.

2006-04-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

a lot of people have asked me why i took nursing.

months ago i would've easily said,

"because my mom wanted me to".

and just recently, i've realized this was the correct answer,

"because i want to be a pediatrician".

now, the question has changed into,

"why do you want to be a pediatrician?"

the answer is quite simple, really. and i've got two. (hehe) first, not all people know that i have a supposedly older sister. unfortunately, she died because her small and large intestine were underdeveloped and were not connected. i want to be a pediatrician because i dont want any other baby to experience what my ate experienced and i dont want any more parent to experience the pain my parents experienced when she died. second, i want to be a pediatrician because i love kids. i just want to be around kids, you know. and that love for kids took another level because val once bought this encyclopedia about pediatrics and it just fascinated me.

hope this answered your question. you know who you are.

~O~

another question has popped up.

"if you aren't in nursing, where would you be?"

if i weren't nursing, i'd say i'd be in psychology. or journalism. honestly, i took nursing because, aside from the influence of my mom, i considered the pros and cons. and psychology or journalism wouldn't amount to the pros that nursing would give me. call me money-driven but hey, in the world today, you can't really survive without money. that's why i chose nursing.

i remember my dad giving me the chance of changing the course i would take in college. he said i could take anything i liked. i was so tempted to say that i'd like to take journalism instead. but considering the abovementioned pros and cons, i said, i'll settle for nursing. then i asked him if he was to dictate what i would take, what would he have me take. he told me he had always imagined me taking law or engineering. well, i said, i'd definitely settle for nursing. then, we laughed about it. he told me it was my choice and he'll support me whatever i took.

hmmm. with all those, i've come to realize that maybe nursing is meant for me. but if by some unfortunate circumstance i'd not be able to reach the cutoff, i'd still take it in some other school because i've come to love it and maybe, just maybe, i like living on the medical field.

to pao (coz i can't place a comment in your blog): you've told me once in our talks that your heart is not in nursing. i know it's been very hard for you dealing with something instead of the one you love. and now that your dad has given you the chance to change the situation, think on what you really want to take. like i said, go for what you really want because that would make living life more worthwhile. you're one of my dearest friends and i'd hate to see you not able to do what you really want. whatever you decide on, dito lang ako, okie? full support. all the way.

and thank you so much for that inspiring comment you placed. thank you. :)

~O~

today, i read starstudio magazine. liz revillame's story was just inspiring. anyway, when i turned to the horoscope page, it said that there's an email or an e-card that would make my heart skip a beat. now, i just realized that it was pao's comment. hehe. thanks again pao. :)

2006-03-30T05:20:00.000-08:00

i feel so miserable.

no, change that. i felt miserable earlier. although i have to admit, i still have a sort of "hangover" from all the crying and stuff. (can you believe i cried while listening to Lu:Na?)

i just realized that today, i really don't have to take formal japanese lessons.

just the thought of that makes me miserable again.

im not really sure but i think it's the feeling of disappointment. you know, that kind of feeling. when you're ultimately determined to do something but something just slaps you in the face and wakes you up to reality that 'hey, there are much more important things that matter'. it just had to rub in and sink in a little too late; clawing me at the heart when it's already very very determined to go for it. sigh. i wish i knew better. i wish i weighed things more accurately than be driven by selfish determination. disappointed in the sense that you knew you could have known better but you just had to miss out on that single reality - financial reality.

im sorry dad. i didn't see that coming.

i swear next time, i'd be more mature than this.

~O~

PHILOSOPHY FOR THE DAY:

If you know how to read and write, there's technically nothing you can't learn.

Danilo Fabian - son, father, bestfriend

so after this very emo and dramatic day, im off to developing a more mature michelle arianne fabian. besides, i remember my mommy cris who learned chinese and she didn't even spend a penny on some language center. all it takes is RIGHT determination. it's not that we can't afford those lessons. it's just that there are more important things on which we can spend the money on - like our tuition fees (enrollment is just around the corner). my mom just had to remind me. silly, silly me.

~O~

did i mention that hyde's version of careless whisper is just so hot and oozing with sexiness???

~O~

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED AND VERY HANDSOME KUYA DEAN!

LOVEYOUH KUYA! MISS YOU!

my kuya's 26. and i can totally agree to what he said last time we were together: AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. you are just as old as you act or think. very very true. i mean, there are a lot of people out there who are more than 50 and they act like they're 20 or something. and if you are able to do that maturely (acting younger than your age), i'd call that living life to the fullest, won't you agree?

(full of parentheses)

2006-03-29T04:39:00.000-08:00

today, i was totally bored. with my vacation.

i miss school.

i miss my classmates.

i miss the toxicity.

i miss working until the wee hours of the morning.

i miss getting only four hours of sleep.

i miss it -- an indefinite noun which i assign to signify whatever it is that i miss (because i can't pinpoint what it is, really).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

just recently, i've been introduced by two of my friends to j-rock (that's japanese rock, if you might ask). and so far, i've been really liking it. i've been gawking (a favorite term, nowadays)over gackt's songs, especially his ballads (as you might have noticed, lyrics of his songs are on the right side of your monitor). it's not really because gackt's this very *hot* (and i mean HOT) and sexy singer (btw, he's taken -- by vicci) but mainly because the lyrics are very simple yet they are awestruckingly (?) deep; the meaning which the songs hold are just amazing. i definitely recommend his songs for those who are into those extraordinary ballads. it really is worth hearing, mind you. :) there's also l'arc en ciel. i've also heard a couple of their songs and one word to describe them: COOL. actually, beyond cool. just ask ms. pao grajo how cool they are. ;)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and because of my growing fondness for my eye-look-a-like's, i've also taken interest in taking japanese language lessons this summer. i mean, (for me) it would be better if i can translate j-rock songs myself than merely rely on websites for that, right? besides, i've been bugging my mom and dad about my violin (i've been dying to learn how to play that) yet it hasn't come so i thought i'd learn something else and make summer worthwhile. but i've been searching for a center or something for that and i can't find anything until now. does someone with a kind heart know a center somewhere? please tell me if you do. thanksies! :)

the way to my heart

2006-03-28T02:55:00.000-08:00

yesterday, i got really pissed with my mom.

it was not that we had a row or something. it was simply because she became utterly annoying because she has, for the past five months or so, bugging me about my lovelife.

first, she calls me "mangkay" -- old maiden, as Cebuanos would term it. i told her, im not afraid to be one. in fact, if i turn out to be that, i'd be proud because i don't need the opposite sex to make me happy, right? and besides, right now, i don't really need guys to complicate my already complicated life. screw lovelife! singularity is what i need right now. and im content with just gawking over my crushes and stalking them (oops!). haha.

second, she's been reminding me of the very things i want to leave behind in the past. i want to forget those "memories" and here she is continuously texting my "pasts" and when they go all dramatic about how they lost me or something, she'd make me read their freaking and definitely ANNOYING texts that can piss me off the second i read them. i mean, does she really need to make me read those? personally, (no offense to my mom) but i think its utterly stupid. these texts can just make them hope that i'll return to them or something. for God's sake, they have to MOVE ON!

That which you love most about him/her may be clearer in his/her absence.

Kahlil Gibran - mystic, painter, and poet

to them: how many times do i have to tell you that i don't recycle? recycling is for trash. are you trashes? or are you just concrete examples of dumb and dumber? besides, you've already lost me. you can't make me return to you. that way, i'd be dumbest.

these are the reasons why sometimes, im truly afraid of commitments. either they get used of you having relationships that you being single is just plain impossible, or some people just get too attached to the relationship that they can't move on and let go.

and here's a thought: why did I let go in first place? well, i think they haven't really realized what "commitment" really means. appreciation -- something i'd want because that's what i lack in life. but in the past relationships i had, it was something they never gave me, honestly. TSAKA LANG NAMAN SILA MAGKAKAROON NG CELLPHONE, PANAHON, TELEPONO, LOAD, at PERA PAG WALA KA NA. taeng philosophy yan. give me a break! bakit hindi sila magkaroon ng mga ganyan habang anjan pa ko? complacency -- kasi alam nilang handa akong maghintay. pero, tell you what, nakakasawa ang setup na yan. I HATE IT!

God, i hate it when i lose it like that. but anyway the only solution is: MOVE ON. what's the use of holding on to a relationship na sila lang ang benefited? call me selfish but i think i deserve something more than "wait lang ha?".

at sa mga natamaan: wag na kayong mag-react. wala nang magagawa yan. itago niyo yang kadramahan sa mga pwet niyo. di ko kailangan yan.

and please, the way to my heart is not through my mother.

nello inc -- i love.

2006-03-24T20:52:00.000-08:00

yesterday was such a depressing day. well, aside from the fact that it was the day for my chemistry lecture finals, it was also my last day as a freshman.

the night before, i pictured the last day in my mind: tearful, flushed classmates uttering goodbyes and good luck's before leaving. actually, i promised myself i wouldn't cry if that happened. ironically, it didn't happen yet i felt like crying.

the last day didn't quite go like what i imagined and experienced in my high school. sure, people were saying goodbyes and goodluck's but the last day stopped there. it was as if the ten months we spent together as classmates didn't matter. such a shame it had to be that way.

anyway, i was still happy when i left because i got to spend some time with Nello Inc: pao, vicci, geejay, val, and phil. jana, joemel, and mai were there. although just wasn't there (she had to leave coz her dad was waiting for her), we spent bonding moments in kenny rogers in lacson.we were telling stories about one another and there was one thought we all shared: ten months back, we didn't think we'd be spending the last day together. we all had and have our differences but we sure developed good friendships.

later that afternoon, we had to part ways but val, pao, and i stayed behind. we walked around the campus and talked about more stories and stuff. we watched the seniors march their way towards their baccalaurreate (?) mass. we hope we'll get to that point too.anyway, it was nice knowing that my first year in college ended imperfectly yet just the way i wanted it to be. :)

loveyouh BSN 1-5 especially NELLO INC.!

you're simply the best!

2006-03-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

+ kat.

+ niningruba.

+ just.

+ vicci.

thankyouthankyouthankyou.

misunderstood, as usual

2006-03-14T04:49:00.000-08:00

i really don't know why people have this tendency of misunderstanding you.

i mean, come on. what does it take for one to know the real reason why someone's like this, or like that?

just today, my mom talked to me about my friend jek. she said jek was hurt when i told him that may not be able to understand my notes if i let him borrow them. 'hindi naman daw siya bobo', as he put it.

well, jek (if ever you're reading this) here are the reasons why:

i was not telling, or implying for that matter, that you are "bobo" as you say. i know for a fact that you are an intelligent person capable of comprehending whatever it is that is in my notes/handouts. what i was implying was that the notes i took were purely from the discussions of my teachers and reports of my classmates. now, most of those notes can only be understood with the presence of the report or the previous discussion. you say that it is only out of idleness that you want to see my notes. but the way i see it, don't get me wrong (again), you'd want to be ready for the course. frankly, that's not really good, as i have realized recently. nursing is a very heavy course, as we know. but as unpredictable as it is, i believe you can learn more and ease the toxicity if put in a little enjoyment and go with the flow. believe me. been there, done that.

and about me being "galet sa mundo". i was not referring to you. i was referring to the other friend i talked about in the previous entry. now, if you're referring (forgive my redundancy) to me not responding to your texts, i hope you understand that for the past weeks, i've been really busy. school works take most of my time. i can't even spend quality time with my family; how can i spend it on texting friends other than about school stuff?

jek, of all people, i expected you to understand. im sorry but i hope you know that things can't always go the way you want it to be.

im sorry if by some honest mistake i've offended you. but i HOPE you UNDERSTAND me too.

and you're still welcome to borrow my notes if you want to. i'll find some time to let you borrow them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I HAVE GOT TO BE THE MOST MISUNDERSTOOD PERSON ON THIS DAMN PLANET.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

+ misunderstoodbymom

+ misunderstoodbyneil

+ misunderstoodbyclassmates

+ misunderstoodbywilliam

+ misunderstoodbyboys

+ misunderstoodbysanepeople

.dad.GOD.kuya.

-THANKyouFORunderstanding-

forgive, learn, and remember

2006-03-11T19:42:00.000-08:00

today, i woke up with puffy eyes and clogged nose. why? because last night a friend was kind enough to tell me that i had no waist and full of fat.

to GAILBERT VITO BOSEA: thank you very much for pointing out the obvious. thank you for slapping it on my face. most of all, thank you because, because of that, i can say im stronger and i've realized that you can never really tell who your *true* friends are until they hurt you.

personally, i can't say that what he said was constructive criticism because it has hit my already crumbling self-esteem -- destructive as they would say. but i can't erase the fact that now, i have something that has made me stronger and more numb to people like him.

to people who are vertically-challenged like me: don't let what other people say about your physique get to you much. they are just those people who are too insensitive and don't know that in the real world, people are equal regardless of weight or physique. be happy with who you are and show those people that inspite of the existence of your excess baggage, you can live with it and go on with life. just forgive them, especially now that it's lent. God has better plans for you and loves you for who and what you are.

to people like gailbert: if you've got nothing good to say, just shut your mouths and mind your own business.

for now, im moving on. have to study for my finals. ciao!

the effects of loving anime

2006-03-10T22:15:00.000-08:00

last night, out of sheer desperation for enjoyment, i watched this japanese anime together with my brother. although it was pretty much out of my league as a college student, i found it quite interesting and fun to watch.

the episode was something i found simple but meaningful. of course, my hopeless romantic senses were attuned with it. in the episode, the main villain, who was a demon, was searching for something which he could turn into an evil thing, as what most villains would do. he came across this stone which he obviously turned into a stone demon. this stone demon turned everything into stone and when he saw this bird flying, he did. but of course, stone can't defy the laws of gravity and so, the "stone bird" fell on the villain's head. this knocked him out and when he woke up, he had no recollection of who he was and why he was there. and then he saw this woman, ms. aiko, i think. because of his condition, ms. aiko helped him and they spent the whole day together. at the end of the day, he realized he was falling in love with ms. aiko.

suddenly, the stone demon he created appeared from nowhere and threatened to harm them. fortunately, he still had his powers and he knocked the stone demon out. because of that, he thought that ms. aiko would think of him as freak. of course, ms. aiko didn't. and the typical scene of superheroes-fighting-against-evil followed when the three superheroes came. unfortunately, another stone fell on the head of the villain and that was when he remembered everything. it was so sad they way he didn't remember ms. aiko and told her to go away. he immediately ran in aid of his stone demon and transformed to his old self.

after the fight, ms. aiko returned to that bridal shop she was in at the start of the episode. she was holding and staring at the picture of her, with the villain, which one of her journalist students took when they were together. sadly, she turned away.

ahhh, love! such tragedy.

i hope the episode has a continuation though. ;)

shame on me.

2006-03-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

i forgot about God today.

i am ashamed to admit this. but yes, i forgot about thanking God for the many things He had given me today -- guidance in the tests i took, patience, safety, security.

how stupid of me. i really didn't know why i forgot going to santissimo rosario church when it was just a hike away from the carpark.

tomorrow, i'd have to make it up to Him and say sorry.

but for now, im really sorry God.. :(

of insomniacs, the sleepless, and eyebags..

2006-03-04T23:30:00.000-08:00

today, i just finished my two tasks for the english and filipino research papers..im currently working on gathering as much info as i can for my debate next week about communism vs. capitalism..

again, i took a break from the usual burdens of school..

yesterday, kuya dean, neil and i ate lunch together..in banana leaf, glorietta..the food was just heaven and i felt really full for the rest of the afternoon..and night..hmmmm..

of course, we bonded again..with the usual kamustahan's and stuff..and my kuya and i found something common between us that day..we were both mentally exhausted (laymen's term: ngarag) and eyebags were just too big for our liking..and that singularity was just too good to be wasted..hehe..anyway, although we almost caused traffic because kuya fell asleep during traffic in the intersection, the day was technically enjoyable.. :)

today, i was, as usual, cramped and was suffering from intense dysmennorhea and mittlesmerz..take note, it happened at 3am..imagine waking up because of a throbbing, and excruciating pain in the abdomen in the morning..God, help me..

when my medicine kicked in, i fell asleep for a good couple of hours..i woke up, did my morning rituals, drank coffee, took an imaginary bath..and then proceeded to doing my assignments..

God, i wish i could live through this..

but i learned something..prioritization is the key and multi-tasking should only be a second option..learn to take things slowly so that your mental exhaustion can be minimized..

and do sleep..

it does wonders..

now, unto theo..i have to do the script for our presentation..and then study for chemistry..lipids and proteins..

T_T

woah!!

2006-02-23T05:11:00.000-08:00

woah!! finally, i've gotten the time to getaway from school stuff.. actually, im still doing my zoology activity..i just thought i ought to have some break since it's been a month of toxicity..most especially today that i had my chem labcon for proteins..

anyway, it's been let's see..3 weeks? since my last entry?..not really sure..but what i can say is this: so much has happened and had happened..

first up..no togne and bebe anymore..i've grown tired of that setup so i let go..i don't need to elaborate cause much had been said and done..so it's finished..and that's that..im happy being single and im loving it..period..

second, [damn! my player just played makita kang muli..grrness!] school has never been more ironic..it's enjoyable and it's a bane..it's tolerable and unnerving at the same time..im sorry if you don't get it..it's just that recently, i've been really enjoying school [with my bunch of crushes!] but at the same time it's a pain in the ass cause you become really toxic and some personal problems get in the way [especially with friends]..still, amid all these, i am happy with what, where, and who i am now..

third, challenges have come and gone, and im very happy..cause here i am, although bruised and scarred, emerging strong and ready to face more..but there's one thing im really afraid of now..THE FREAKING CUTOFF! i mean, i may have gotten a 1.84 in the first sem but that doesn't mean i should be complacent.. like what my friend pao [that's paoLA..not the annoying and freaking-excuse-for-a-jerk guy named paulo with the same nick] said: "it's a college..anything can happen.." that is why im fearing the worst especially now that the dean has declared that three sections will not be allowed to carry on to sophomore year..but, oh well..nothing's impossible for someone who has faith and does the necessary actions..[Papa God, tulong po!]

fourth, i lack sleep..unsurprising but still, it's something i hate..that is why, im continuing my assignment now and update next time..ciao!

:D

2006-01-03T00:55:00.000-08:00

ala lang.. :D

bored..bored..bored..did i say bored?oh yeah..bored..

2005-12-18T20:10:00.000-08:00

today is an exam day but im here in evo, killing time while surfing the net (because of the 3-hour break)..

now..what to talk about?i've got no clue because im terribly bored to death..

anyway, for those who are actually reading my blog, i've not been able to update much because school just got busier and of course, my exams..chem and zoo tests are causing the loss of my sanity..oh well..it's technically worth it because both subjects account for 10 units of my grade..

hmmm..chubalife?haha..funny that should come across my mind..i am uncommitted but my heart is taken?..don't get it?go figure..haha.. :)

family..my dad's not coming home for christmas..maybe not until my debut..and it's just so sad that he won't be able to come..his boss is the most stubborn brat i've ever known..misyouh dad! :(

what else?

i've got nothing left to say..except..

IM BORED..

in a daze..

2005-11-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

it's about 1:10 in the morning and unfortunately, the sandman has not found his way to our home.. my insomniac-in-the-making senses are alive and kicking and i can't figure out a way on how to fight and calm those senses.. im afraid im still in that daze from worrying a lot about togne today..

well, the day started okay.. i mean, togne went here in the house and played naruto 2 (courtesy of miguel) with my brother.. we enjoyed for the most part (with joyance).. we even played badminton and all.. what worried me much, came later..

i can't really tell much of the details because i still am in a daze.. but technically, the rough details are: mom and togne were talking and they really got caught up in the talking.. we didn't really realize how late it was and it turned out that it was already 8:15pm.. his mom was already calling him and very much worried.. i didn't really knew that because he didn't tell me.. c2 was the one who told me that, out of too much worry, togne's mom and grandmom went to c2's house to check if he was there.. turns out that they really worried about togne that his mom was already searching for him everywhere (called up most of his classmates..and obviously, went to c2's house).. when they got in c2's house, the first thing they asked for was my number.. actually, i've never heard anyone call me with such accusation in the tone.. i was really numbed and scared, to ironically say the least.. togne didn't really talk to me and so i missed most of the details on how his mom and grandmom reacted when he got home.. c2 assured me that they've both taken care of it and that there was nothing to worry about.. i wish tomorrow togne could talk to me to clarify things so that my worry could be diminished soon..

well, for now..4am seems such a long time from now..a lot of time to let my daze disappear.. :(

greetings..greetings..

2005-11-21T03:35:00.000-08:00

nothing much happened today..

just one of my friends' birthday..VALERIE ANNE T. FERMA..

thank you for treating me knina.. :)

and to bebe_togne..congrats for making it to the 2nd top spot in your batch..

i just wonder why you keep telling me you aren't eligible to run for salutatorian..

and why your grand-mere won't allow you to enter ust..such a shame..

nway, see you on friday..that's hp4 nd the concert.. :)

can't wait.. >:)

uncreeped..

2005-11-18T15:16:00.000-08:00

last thursday night, i had this really freaky dream about a little girl..she had long hair and was really beautiful..i really didn't know why, but it didn't freak me out as you'd expect people to be..instead, it roused my curiosity and i am left wondering about the identity of that girl and why the movie 'the house of wax' keep on popping in my head everytime i think of that little girl..

it started out like an astral vision..i was seeing myself lying on my bed, my back against the window..i was in deep sleep and then i saw the little girl, looking at me intently as though trying to wake me up by just looking at me..

and then, i went back to my body and then another dream started..

i was walking, with about two people (that i don't remember who), in this certain subdivision (which i am totally unfamiliar with)..we then saw this angel (who literally wore a flowing robe with a fake halo) that was floating in midair, above a certain two-storey house..i asked the angel, "ikaw ba yung napapagtanungan dito?"..and he answered, "hinde no!sinusundo ko lang ang mga kaluluwa ng mga namatay na." after he said that, i heard wailing and crying from inside the house..after that, we proceeded to the house of the little girl i saw earlier..we went inside, and i proceeded to her room which was on the second floor..when i got there, i saw her mom playing with her (who seemed to be on her early twenties)..we (her mom and i) talked for a while and after that, i began playing with her too..while playing with her, i recalled that her sister was paris hilton and that was when the movie 'the house of wax' popped in my head..when we got tired, she sat in her bed and we talked..when i moved to dishevel her hair, she suddenly went berserk and got possessed..i tried controlling her, and holding her down but she suddenly became too strong for me, and then she bit me on the arm..it didn't really hurt but i felt something..when i finally got her off my arm, i woke up..

can someone please interpret this dream?please?

tognengot..

2005-11-15T04:54:00.000-08:00

last saturday, i finally called it off between william and i..i won't be telling the details here but what i told him is that the problem lies in me and that there was no way i could solve it but by splitting up with him..

so here i am..single once again..but definitely not looking anymore..don't ask..it's this enjoy the single life first thing..that's with togne, of course..

hehe.. :)

don't take me wrong but i am affected by the split up..it's just that im not really into dwelling on it anymore because it's finished and im ready to take whatever destiny has in stored for me..that is because firstly, i'd like to move on now..and secondly, im still realizing a lot of things that i won't be able to think about if i continue thinking about it..

anyway, speaking of togne..we were texting this afternoon (courtesy of c2's phone, of course!)..and he was like teasing me to no end..at first, his teasing was just okay..but eventually, it got really annoying and so i got kind of mad with him..and what added to that was he called me 'paqt'..pacute..so you know..the scenario of total kulitan got into a tampuhan..well,eventually he said sorry..and i think it's just a petty thing..so i'd like togne to know..

i forgive him..

nd that i'm going to the concert for which he has so courteously asked for my mother's permission..and he did it personally..

i appreciate it very much.. :)

and by the way, have i introduced togne yet?? :D

the trouble with love is..

2005-11-10T03:38:00.000-08:00

Love can be a many splendid thing

Has another joy you bring

A dozen roses

Diamond rings

Dreams for sale

And fairy tales

It’ll make you hear a symphony

And you’ll just want the world to see

But like a drunk that makes you blind

It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

Gets stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn’t care how fast you fall

And you can’t refuse the call

See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was just a once a fool it’s true

I played the game by all the rules

But now my world’s a deeper blue

I’m sadder but I’m wiser too

I swore I’d never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn’t worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

Gets stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn’t care how fast you fall

And you can’t refuse the call

See you’ve got no say at all

Every time I turn around

I think I’ve got it all

My heart keeps callin

And I keep on fallin

Over and over again

This set story always ends the same

Me standin in the pouring rain

It seems no matter what I do

It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is (the trouble with love)

It can tear you up inside (it can tear you up in side)

Make your heart believe a lie (Make your heart believe a lie)

Gets stronger then your pride(The trouble with love is)

See your heart its in your soul (It doesn’t care how fast you fall)

You wont remember control (?)

(And you can’t refuse the call)See you’ve got no say at all

The trouble with love is (Oooo….ya)

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie (the trouble with love..)

comparison and contrast..

2005-11-04T00:54:00.000-08:00

i've recalled recently a line from one of the fanfics i have read before (and you just have to guess whether this is from a lemon or not ;)) that comparing to people is totally unfair because it would belittle both parties. but i've also discovered recently that it is technically impossible for you to not compare when you're no longer satisfied, and happy for that matter. satisfaction, i guess, in a relationship, is one of the things you must achieve so that you can say that it is working out and that you are happy with the person you are committed to. and lately, i guess, im no longer satisfied with what's happening between me and william. this then also leads me to compare him with kevin which i know, is totally unfair and stupid for both of them..

i partly take blame for not being satisfied in my relationship with william. maybe because in the past, i have not experienced having a relationship with guys for too long that is why i really had the time to think of my standards when it comes to guys. and the thing is, he has not met any of those standards (except maybe for being such a genius when it comes to math) and i keep looking for them in him. though i also keep on reminding myself that i should accept what and who he truly is, i can't help but be disappointed because he has not met those standards. and when i get disappointed, here comes the part where i start to compare him with kevin (i won't tell them here, it's too private). i feel guilty, really. because i know he has done nothing wrong and that he was just being himself. and i've also reminded myself that when you 'love' a person or someone gets really special for you, you should accept them for who they really are and swallow all the 'missing things' in them, because obviously, you love them. but i don't know why it has come to this. that i get so unnerved and guilty at the same time because the more i try to swallow the things that's missing in william, the more choked up i get because i can't accept it.

and one thing that bothers me the most is when it comes to kevin, i can accept all things. as in all. without getting choked up.

and when i think about it more, the guiltier i get. why?because i end up realizing that maybe, i don't love william as much as i do kevin...

i hate complications..

2005-10-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

hhhaaayyy..*sigh* *sigh* *sigh*

at tripleng buntung hininga po yan..y?bket?ngano?..xe for the past 2 weeks,my life has turned from the seemingly okay to the definitely confused and agitated..y again,you ask?

well,it's lyk this..

last october 19,i've already sed yes to tungsten..because i felt like it really was the best tym i'd say yes..nd besyds,i wouldn't let the guy who taught me how to move on just pass me by..

i didn't know i'd be confused this way.. *sigh*

october 22 came..it was my brother's school minifair..we (my mom, my brother, nd i) had to go because there was the bingo thing nd a lot of my friends were invyting me to come,even kevin (whom you all know)..nd so we did..der,i met up with my friends..i even separated from my brother nd mom just so i could spend quality tym wid my friends..i miss them na xe,kya un..wat i didn't expect was kevin meant *business* wen he invyted me der..

nd so,wen we (kevin nd i) met up,we talked..i was xpecting a friendly conversation..you know, *just* a friendly conversation..the type wer you talk about how u've been,what's new,etc..

nd so i told him i was already committed..i thot he'd be happy..now,im starting to believe that you rili have to xpect the unxpected at tyms..

the nyt after the fair,kevin txtd me nd i learned that he rili wasn't gay nd he's been planning on courting me..he wanted to start nga daw nung minifair..xo,i was already committed..it caught me by surprise xe i wasn't xpecting him to react that way..nd den i asked him d questions i've been longing to hear the answers..

~y play the gay game?? = a cover-up..
~y only now? = he was prioritizing his studies..because in his school,the 1st semester is the backbone of your grades..if you fail or got low grades in the 1st sem,you're rili bound to fail..nd he promised his mom dat he'd get good grades for her, and his dad nd grandmom..
~wat are you planning to do? = he plans to wait..his exact words were: "nkapagantay ako ng 16 years para sa moment na makita ko ang babaeng mahal ko..another 16 years?kya ko pa un.."
~y didn't you respond to all my messages nd email?khet ung mga pnpsbe ko lang ke joyance? = he prioritized nga daw his studies..khet sobwang sket nga daw na nde cya mkapagrespond,tniis pden nia..xe he needed to focus on one thing -- his studies..

after that,i told him i've already moved on..nd there was no way i was going back..i also told him na it was tym he'd move on too..xe nga lam ko ang hrap nd pagmomove on nd if he didn't start now,he'd find it harder nd harder each day..cnabe ko nga den na wen God takes away,He replaces it something so much better..pwo he sed he didn't someone else,evn tho she's better than me..nd so,i tryd convincing him some more..but it seemed like my efforts of persuading him won't make him budge..

tas nung monday nyt,joyance called me..she told me na she saw kevin that morning tas nga his eyes were all puffy nd red from all the crying..joyance asked him wat was wrong..nd then kevin told her na he'll tell her the whole story pagka 7 that nyt..
nd so dey talked..but i won't be including it here..since mejo ung summary andun na sa taas..i just left out some details..

at tsaka,ang mhalaga lang na tnung dun na cnabe ni kevin:

'masaya ka ba??'

cnabe ko nman..oo..msaya ko..inaamin ko nde ko ganun ksaya (xe we're still working things out) pwo msaya ko..

hhhaaayyy..*sigh* *sigh* *sigh*

sna nde nlang gento ka-complicated ang lyf ko..kung may advice nman po kau..i rili nid it..

please..

ui,c superman o..

2005-10-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

superman = tungsten_13..

hehe...,

sarbey..sarbey..

2005-09-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

1.are u serious when it comes to relationships?
~dEfiNiteLy..LaLO nA pAg mHaL nA mHaL cOh uNg tAO..
2. are you afraid of commitments?
~nOpe..pwO mnSan oO..mHrAp nxEnG mkPagcOmMit diS dAys e..
3. are u a risk taker?
~i tRieD it OncE..diDnt wOrk fOr mE..
4. what can u say abt. long distance relationships?
~it dOeSn't wOrk fOr mE..
5. can u luv a person who doesnt love u?
~yUp!
6. do actions speak louder than words?
~dEfiNiteLy..
7. have you felt/found true love?
~nOt yEt..Ope i dO,tHOuGh..
8. how can you say that a person loves you?
~sA pNapktA niA..eFfOrt,tYm,cOncErN..LhAt nG mGa bGay nA d nA kELanGan nG sLitA pwA mDamA mO nA oO,mHaL kA niA..
9. are you good in handling relationships?
~i tHink sO..
10. willing to give everything?
~OthEr tHinGs tHan mY fAmiLy..
11. best thing you've learned from loving?
~sACriFiCinG mAkeS it mOre wOrtHwhiLe..
12. do you demand your loved one to change into someone that pleases u?
~nO..xE kuNg mHaL cOh cyA,LhAt nG pGkAkAmaLe niA,tAtanGgApiN cOh nA..
13. would you let go of someone you love?
~iF i nEeD tO..
14. is sex important in a relationship?
~dEfiNiteLy nOt..
15. how do you express your love to someone?
~pAg npAsAbe ncOh nG mGa sALitAnG mnSan cOh LnG bhEn pwO uN nA uN..d nA kELanGanG uLit-uLitN..
16. what is the major reason of a break up?
~hMmM..miSunDeRstAnDinG..
17. most important ingredient in a relationship?
~cOmMuniCatiOn nD uNdErStanDinG..
18. one thing you hate about love?
~yOu nEveR knOw whEn it wiLL hUrt yOu..it cOmeS uNexPECtedLy..
19. one thing you like about love?
~yOu cAn fiND reAsOns enOugH tO cOnquEr yOur fEarS..
20. worst thing u did to a loved one?
~givE uP..
21. are you inlove?
~fALLinG......... o:)
22. with whom?
~kLaLa nA niA kuNg cnO cyA.. o:)
23. do u have a bf/gf?
~sinGLe..
24.why? why or why not? why?
~hMmM..ciRCumStAnCeS dOn't aLLOw mE tO enGagE iN a rELatiOnsHip e..
25. are you a hopeless romantic?
~yEs..
26. do you get tired of loving?
~nO..i gEt tiRed Of wAitinG..
27. who has changed your view about loving?
~hMmM..c kEviN gurO..

ui,angels o..

2005-09-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

cute nung angels no?mas cute angel coh jan!

linshak na portrait yan..

2005-09-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

hay..akala ko pahinga na..sa kasawiang palad,kailangan ko pang pumunta ng school ngaun pwa lang panuorin ung 'a portrait of an artist as filipino' by nick joaquin..actually,it is mandatory pwa makakuha kme ng incentive (as usual, sa theology)..pwo tntmad tlaga ko..tpos sbe pa ng ibang klasmeyts ko na nakapanuod na,boring daw..goodluck nman sken..

nway,bhala na..grade den un no..kelangan ko tlaga ng sandamukal na incentives ngaun dhel ang chem ko ay naghihingalo na..goodluck lalo sa 'ken f ever..

besyds,sya2 ng araw ko khapon..hehe..as usual,chuvaness..hay,magfofol nnman ata ko..hehe..

nga po pla,sa kanyang dad,happy birthday po! (as if nman mbbsa e no?!)hehe..

aun..i should really be preparing now..

screw my much-needed sleep..

happy burtdei to moi!

2005-09-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

thank you po sa lahat ng mga nagrit sa 'kin pwa po sa burtdei ko..at pati smga taong dmteng pwa icelebrate un xama ko..
tulad nina:
~dad coh..who provided my fund for the get-together..hehe..thanks po talaga..:) wabshu much!misyouh!
~kuya coh..ang ever dakilang driver..hehe..joke lang..thanks po a..khet mejo ikaw ang p.r.o. ko..hehe..you never lose your touch!
~jazm and crislyn..c b2 at b3..khet mejo busy kau sa college lives niyo,u saw to it na andun pden kau..thanks..at b2,hehe..lalang..
~cookie monster coh!asar ka d ka pumunta..hehe..joke lang po..thank you pden po!at least you had greeted me,db?misyouh!hehe.. :)
~carvin..salamat pden at u graced my get-together with your presence..
~phil..khet may saket ka na dahel nde ka sanay mag-commute pumunta ka pden..thank you talaga..i appreciate it very much..na-touch talaga ko..
~gagai..khet di mo nakapiling ang chuba mo,sumama ka pden sken..thank you..don't worry..andun nman ung kamukha nia..joke..love ka pden nman nun khet nde kau nagkasama..
~mimai..bait ganda..khet nde ka den snay mag-commute sumama kden..hehe..next tripping nman ulet..
~benzon..sa pagbitbit ng dakilang costumes and paraphernalia ko..hehe..thank you..at nga pala,wala lang.. :P
~gailbert and lester..khet mejo tahimek kau nd d ko kau makausap at sandamukal na kahiyaan ang naranasan natin,thank you..hehe..i appreciate your presence very much..
~miguel,boogie,and chris..my big bros..ang mga handang lumaban pwa sken lalo na pag nasaktan ako..hehe..kau ang mga dakilang salarin pwa sa mga roses..thank you po!na-touch talaga ko dun smga roses na pnaghrapan nio pang bilhen sa dangwa at ang meaning behind it na sobwang awww!at miguel,khet nde mo nxama ang prinsesa ng brownout..hehe..
~nicco..the load..i thank you so much..even though you weren't present,i felt your sincere greetings..isa ka nga den pala smga big bros ko..thanks!
~mami cris coh..hehe..ang aga nung greeting nio..1130 in the evening nareceive ko na ang text nio..at pwa dun sa putong kulay ube..ansarap po!and dun nman po sa message,don't worry,i'll keep that in mind..
~valerie..khet nde ka nkapunta dhel sa sh*t na chem report..nkpagtext k pden by 1230..thanks!
~BSN 1 - 5, tadlers..thanks po sa greetings nio!at sa full support sa dakilang rt presentation namen..
~danica,cosio,lapiz..amoeba,morning,and ungas..thanks po sa greeting through testi..i appreciate it,really..mis coh nden po kau..
~sa mhal cong c sarah..thank you nd in advance plang megagrit kna sken..khet nde kden nkapaunta dhel may class ka pa..wabsh po kta,sobwa!misyouh!sna mgkitakits po ulet!
~sa lahat ng nagtext na nde ko nareplayan..at nagrit..basta thank you po!
~and last but not least..ke tungsten_13 coh..d ko inimagine and inexpect na maggrit pa nia ko ng exactly 1201..xe cya nman ung tpong alas-siyete pa lang,tntwag na ng kama..basta,thank you po..khet d ka nkapunta..i understand nman ung reason e..at khet nilalagnat cya knina,megatext pden..thank you po tlaga!misyouh!

fALL fOr yOu..

2005-09-12T05:14:00.000-07:00

etO nA nMan pO akO..

dpAt mAg-aRaL sA cHem,pwO hEtO at nAgbBLOg..hEhe..

anSayA LanG xE nG sObwA..

nAgkitA pO kMe nGaUn ni tUnGstEn..

mAs mAsyA pA jAn,kMaen pO kMe nG sBay..

akALAiN kO bA nManG sEseryOsOhiN niA uNg aLOk niA..

bUte nLanG at d akO kmAen nG LuNCh..hEhe..

bASta,anSaya2 tLaGa..iBa itO..

at etO LAnG tLaGa mAsAsAbe kO,

mSayanG mSaya kO at aLam kO,mkAkapAgmOve On nDen kO..

muLa sA dRuGs..uNg tipOnG pwA kOnG nA-rEhaB nUnG nAkiLaLa kO c tUnGsteN..

anSayA2 tLaGa..

There's a right or wrong to know for everything

And the truth is somewhere written in between

But there's always something missing in the dark

There you will find the true condition of the heart
Well i can visualize the pieces of a dream

And it's not as far away as it may seem

But if truth be told it's you that holds the key

To the question that defines my destiny
I've been in love a time or two

I've seem the world but not with you

I wanna fly and spread my wings

Don't wanna cry, i wanna sing

I wanna live and take a chance

I'm not afraid to love again

I wanna fall, fall for you

And i want you to fall for me too

I've had plenty conversations with my heart

Cause i want this thing to work, not fall apart

So, i ask my heart how can it be so sure

And it answers me because your heart is pure
I have every expectation that it's true

Cause my heart won't lie to me, much less to you

But if truth be told it's you that holds the key

To the future that becomes our destiny
Hook
To the mountain snow that melts into the stream

My heart flows like the river to the sea

To the heavens up above

I pray to god our destiny is love
Hook
And i want you to fall for me too

Me too

Fall for me too

anak ng...

2005-09-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

ay nako..*he* strikes again..

if you're wondering kung sino na naman ang linshak na tinutukoy ko, aba, walang pinag-iba yan dun sa lalaking SUPER DUPER INSENSITIVE sa class namin..at wala na atang inatupag kundi kababuyan sa buhay..

sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko siya pagaaksayahan ng space sa blog ko..pero tlagang punung-puno na 'ko sa kanya..

ganito kasi yun..nung start nung classes sa USTE, yung minamahal naming theo teacher e pinapili kami ng characteristic or value na gusto naming iimprove sa sarili namin..by the end of the semester, he wishes to see some changes in us..at sana maipakita din namin yun sa iba by practicing it..

so sige, mega-gawa naman kami..tapos, isa pang malaking pauso ulet, dapat tuwing meeting, may 2 mag-sshare nung characteristic na gusto nilang iimprove tapos icocontextualize nila, as my theo teacher termed it..

e di sige..mejo natapos na yung class sa pag-sshare today..ang nakakag*go jan, e yung value na pinili *niya*..akalain mong sensitivity?!?!gusto ko nang mag-mura kanina dahil sobwang nakakaloko..at eto pa bonus, sabi niya, tntry naman daw niyang iimprove yung ugali niya..huh?!yeah, right!!!ang masaklap pa lalo jan, sabi niya parang ayaw namin ng mga kaklase ko sa kanya..nilalayuan daw siya and some other shit..hello?!bakit kaya siya hindi lalayuan kung:

1. nagkakambyo po siya..at take note, bulgarang pagkakambyo ang ginagawa niya..kung hindi niyo alam ang pagkakambyo, yun po ang quick rearrangement ng bola ng mga lalaki..

2. sagana po siya sa poisonous gas..at madalas po niyang ineemit yun..once nga, sabi ng mga classmates ko na malapit sa kanya, may kasama pa daw na shit yun madalas..grabe!naubusan na nga ng perfume yung isa kong classmate dahil sa kabahuan talaga..

3. HINDI PO SIYA MARUNONG MANGHINGI NG APOLOGY..grabe..once nung nakatayo ako sa may edge ng table ng chem lab namin, bigla niya kong nabangga..at syempre nabangga yung puson ko dun sa table..sobrang sakit talaga!at siguro naman narinig naman niya yung aray ko,db?hindi naman siya siguro ganun kabingi para hindi marinig ang sigaw..pero hindi, tuloy-tuloy lang ng parang walang nangyari..asar talaga!at hindi lang po ako ang ginanyan niya..may classmate akong lagi niyang tinatapakan..aba naman!at kasalanan pa daw ng classmate kong yun kaya niya natapakan yung paa..galeng!!!at si val ferma naman..alam niyo naman kung anu ang physiological characteristics ni val..anu ba namang laban nun sa halos quadruple ng size niya db?tumalsik talaga si val pagkabangga sa kanya..alam niyo reaksyon nung loko?aba, nag-smile lang..nangaasar pa!at di ko pa nakakalimutan yung sa hp6 ko!grrrr!!!

4. mahilig siyang humawak sa mga parte ng katawan niya na di kaaya-ayang tignan kung hahawakan mo in public..hayok na hayok yan lalo na kung exams..grabe..walang pakundangan..

5. lahat na ata ng kababuyan sa katawan nagawa na niya..once psychology class namin, iba!!!yung takip ng ballpen na pilot, pinangtatanggal niya ng tutule!Diyos ko!at take note, yung facial expression pa niya nun e yung tipong parang aroused na aroused..na yung mata e puti na lang yung nakikita..yyyyyaaaaakkkkk!!!!!tapos last day na ng prelims nun..grabe,halos madukot na niya utak niya sa kaka-dial sa ilong..KADIRI TALAGA!!!eeewwwiiieee!!!

6. eto lang a..matalino DAW siya..kaya mejo mayabang daw siya sa palawan..e kung ganun pala, ang kaklase kong si benzon e DIYOS na dun, if ever..

7. buwaya po siya sa basketball..tanungin niyo lahat ng guy classmates ko na kasama siyang mag-basketball..at lahat sila sasabihing nang-hohoard siya ng bola..ang masaklap jan, madamot ka na nga sa bola, di pa nakakashoot..hay!ansaklap talaga..

alam niyo, okay lang naman sa 'kin na mag-eexist siya ng ganyan ang ginagawa sa buhay..okay fine..ganyan lang talaga siya siguro pinalaki..ang hindi ko tanggap jan e bakit kailangan pa niyang mambulahaw ng existence ng ibang tao habang nag-eexist siya ng ganun..grrrr talaga!alam ko mejo masama ang ginagawa ko pero namumuro na din naman siya..lalo pa't ginawa niya yung sharing kanina..kasi, aware naman pala siyang insensitive siya, bakit pa niya pinangangatawanan db?sana magbago naman siya kung gusto man niya ng kaibigan..dahil kahit sinong tanungin mo, kahit pa siguro ang pinakatapat na kaibigan sa mundo, hindi siya tatanggapin kung yun ang ugali niya..

sana lang magbago ka na..goodluck na lang sa'yo kung ayaw mo..

anyway,tama na..ayako na siyang pag-usapan..

iSa pA..hELL-bEnt..

2005-09-02T06:30:00.000-07:00

The clock unceasingly tick – tocks as I succumb to helplessness
In this four – squared room where I find solace
Hopelessly longing for the warm embrace of the sun
Yet afraid, all the same; shame is what I don

Lost is what I have become
When I fell for the devil’s son
Call me ignorant, careless, stupid, and dumb
And yes, I know - now I am alone

Uncountable seconds have passed by my ears
Together with the sounds of unbreakable shackles
To them I am bound for the coming years
Forever drowned, damaged in the room he darkles

But now there you are
A ray of hope in my disparity
Unchain me, I beg of you, and heal this rotting scar
Restore my soul and unbind me from this agony

I finally see, within this obscurity, a beacon –
One I would fight for beyond reason
For at length these stone walls will be broken
The devil’s chains will be taken

O, angel – my seraph of hope and serenity
Please let this not be a dream in my anxiety
Nor a part of a recreated reality –
An example of a hellacious impossibility

cOrny..

2005-09-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

Takot.
Sa karimlan ng kahinaan,
Ako’y nananahan.
Sa kumot ng hiya’t takot,
Heto ako’t namamaluktot.

Ilaw.
Bigyan mo ako ng liwanag
Nang ang spirito ko’y mapanatag
Mula sa matindig bagabag
Habang ito’y unti – unting nalalaglag

Liyab.
Kaluluwa ko’y nangangatog
Nadadarang sa apoy at sunog
Sumasayaw sa nakatatakot na tunog
Tulungan mo ‘ko, ako’y nahuhulog

Sumpa.
Siya ang may sala
Ang satanas ng aking kaluluwa
At dito sa impyerno ako’y pinagdurusa
Dito dinala upang ‘di na makatakas pa

Kaligtasan.
Bigyan mo ako ng matatakasan
Ihimlay mo ako sa ganda ng kalikasan
Na matagal ko nang inaasam – asam
Sa pag – ibig sa sarili, ako’y nakakalam

Ikaw.
Ako’y kaawaan, anghel ng kaligtasan
Patungo sa liwanag, ako’y samahan
Handa akong tahakin anumang daan
O, anghel ng kalangitan, isalba mo lamang ako sa kasawian

~para po yan ke tungsten_13..hehe..ang nagagawa nga nman ng chem..:)

BSN 1 - 5, RAK ON!

2005-09-02T06:02:00.001-07:00

ui..matagal-tagal den cmula nung last kong blog entry..hehe..as usual buhay colehiyo ay nakakaloka..

last wednesday,nagstart ung prelims..ung ibang test sineryoso ko,ung iba mejo 'bahala na'..nde nman sa bhala na tlaga..cguro,mejo questionable lang ung mga pnagsasagot ko dun..

pwo ang nde ko tlaga tanggap e ung chem lab test ko..akalain mo ba namang mas madali pa ang algebra test ko?!nkakaasar..xe bukod sa isip ka na nang isip,may pauso pang automated answer sheet ang school ko..ung tipong karumal-dumal na pag-iingat ang gagawin mo xe nga automated tpos it takes up a lot of time pa xe shading nga..

nway,bhala na c Papa God..you get what is due you,ika nga..kya,bhala na..

aun..

andame ko na plang nde nakukwento!

una sa lahat nais ko pong malaman ninyong lahat na ang UST BSN Section 1 - 5 ang naghahari at nanalo sa recently concluded sabayang pagbigkas contest..woohoo!akalain ninyong akala ko hopeless na xe nga dhel ke loser..pwo nde..by some divine and powerful intervention,kami po ay nanalo!that victory means +6 sa final grade sa Filipino at ala kmeng finals!bukod pa jan,may mga incentive pa!iba tlaga..classmates,I REALLY AM PROUD OF ALL OF YOU!khet mga dakila kaung pasaway,MAHAL KO KAYO!khet na nde tau kilala ng adviser nteng hayok sa kape't hickey,IBA PA RIN TAYO!RAK ON!

hmmm..at naaalala nio ba ung cute na sacristan na lage kong minemention sa date kong mga posts?..uiiii..kilala ko na po cya!at take note,katext ko pa!woohoo!ansaya saya talaga ng mundo ngaun,no?c cwushie_01 po ay ala na dhel tanggap kong cya ay taken na..at d nko mapapancn nun..c k_19 nman,message ko lang,nagmomove on nko..ayako nang umasa na may future pa..aun..nway,basta its official po..ako ay nagmomove on and i want to move on with tungsten_13..(halata bang 3p ko ang chem?ala nkong ibang ipinangalan smga crush ko kung nde mga elements..haha) at message nman ke tungsten_13,hope this works out..:)

ano pa ba?

nga pala,smga nanalo sa sabayan contest ng tipol (4th yr dba?),congratulations po!ipagpatawad ng mga nag-invite sken na pumunta..prelims ko po xe kya nde nko pumunta..xemps,studies first..

aun..ala nko masei..basta so far,yan plang ang mga nangyayare sa buhay ko..

ay wait..knina,nagbasketball mga guy classmates ko..sumama kme (val,gj,rozelle,eunice,patty,jana at ako)..nung una,mega-support kme kina joemel,pao,ronel,derrick,boogie,faller,at wag nio na itanong ung hule because i refuse to talk about him and include him here..nway,basta nung mejo naglaon at dumame ang mga tao,may nkita kmeng cute na guy..mapute,chinito..iba..sobwang cute tlaga..nagbabasketball den..tngen nga nmen,referee cya ng women's basketball na pe..basta d bomb..tngen ko surname nun is gotico?..basta..masasabe ko,cute cya..un lang..

eto,yan nlang tlaga nangyayare sa buhay tomasa ko..

hanggang sa muli!

2005-08-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

tOdAy,nDe kMe nAgkArOn nG cLaSsEs..pwO aCtuALLy,pwA ndEn kOng pmSOk dHEL mAy pwAktiS nG sAbAyan..wAg niO nAng itAnOng kUng aNuNg nAngyArE nUng pwAktiS dHeL..di kAayA-ayA anG nAngyArE..

nwAy,nDe nMan nCrA aNg aRaw kO..kHet nA gAnuN uNg nAngyArE sA pwAktiS..Lam niO kUng bAkEt?

xEmpS dHEL sA cOLayCo fAmiLy kO!

at yAn cNa:

~gJ..

~vAL..

~bEnzOn..

~pHiL..

~mIGuEL..

~iSsA..

~cHriS..

aCtuALLy,di kMe cOmpLetE pwO msAya pdEn..

xE tOday,nAgkArOn nG tAgayAn sEsSiOns..tAs nAgkArOn Ng hEart-tO-hEart tALk..pwO xEmpS di kO nA sAma uN ditO sA bLOg..cOnfi nA uN..bAsta anG mAsAsabE kO LanG,sObwAng sAya kO xE pwAng tO tHe nExt LevEL nA itEcH!nAgkArOn nG rEvELatiOns aNd a Lot mOre..sObwAng fEeLinG kO nGa,nALagAy sA iBAng LevEL uNg fRienDsHip..wE gOt tO kNOw OurSeLvEs mOre..mAs nAintiNdihAn nA nAmin kUng bAket gEntO c aNu tSakA c aNu..LAm niO un?!bAstA anSayA tLagA..

aUn..bAstA cOLayCo fAmiLy kO,aNDitO LanG kO LAgE hA!tHanx sOBwA sA kALog nA fRienDsHip at pAgDadAmAyan LALo nA sA cHEm..hEhe..bAstA aLAng iwAnaN..tuLunGan 'tO..pwA LhAt tAu abOt nG 2nD yEar..ajA!!!

wELL,tiLL neXt tAgAyAn sEsSiOn..LuV kO kAunG LhAt! :)

iSanG kANta..

2005-08-02T04:58:00.000-07:00

Take me as you are,

Push me off the road.

The sadness,I need this time to be with you.
I'm freezing in the sun,I'm burning in the rain.

The silence, i'm screaming,Calling out your name.

*and i do reside in your light.

Put out the fire with me and find.

Yeah you'll lose the side of your circles.

That's what i'll do if we say goodbye.

**to be is all i gotta be

And all that i see,

And all that i need this time.

To me the life you gave me

The day you said goodnight.

The calmness in your face,

That i see through the night.

The warmth of your light is pressing unto us.

You didn't ask me why,I never would have known oblivion is falling down.

Repeat *
Repeat **

If you could only know me like your prayers at night

Then everything between you and me will be all

Right.

Repeat **

She's already taken,

She's already taken me.

She's already taken,

She's already taken me.

The day you said goodnight.

ROCK ON HALE!!!

L - O - S - E - R ! ! !

2005-08-02T04:24:00.000-07:00

hay..

months ago,the thought of the sabayang pagbigkas contest would've sent excitement coursing throughout my body..

now..

i really don't know if im still willing to join that said contest..well,aside from the fact that we've only got less than 15 mtgs left to be able to practice..one damn girl just destroyed my mood..destroyed my whole excitement..destroyed every drop of hope in my system that we can conquer the sabayang pagbigkas contest..

why you ask?

well,don't get me wrong but i do like the initiative that she took to make the sabayan piece (which was supposedly one of the things which could add points to our presentation)..but what i didn't like was her over-assertiveness that she's even conquering the other aspects of the sabayan..i mean,that's fairly okay but why not consult us first (and the class)?her plans,along with pao's,are really good..but it just doesn't sound and look good if:

1. you question the leadership of some people;
2. continuously imply that you're better than other people,even of aren't really!;
3. consider your plan as accepted without consulting other people;
4. feel and imply that your work is the best when it isn't;
5. simply OVER OUTSHINE others TOO MUCH!i am applying redundancy here because it really is too much!!!;
6. not know your limitations!seriously!;
7. take credit for others' work..;
8. OVER ASSERTIVENESS!God!;

now you might say that im saying this because im jealous..honestly,i am jealous..jealous in the sense that she takes center stage all the time and the limelight to the point that we're no longer recognized,as if we don't have a say in the sabayan..if she wants to take it all,i hope she'll just tell us..IT'S ALL HERS!

let's see if someone still follows her..

you see..95% of our class already hates her..because 95% of the class sees her attitude utterly annoying..i hope she realizes this soon enough or this sabayan is bound to be a failure..

2005-07-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

i warn those who will be reading: THIS ENTRY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. read at your own risk!!!

my computer clock says that it's 12:40 am..i've just finished researching for a report in algebra and before that, i've finished reading book 6..honestly,medyo nadala talaga ko nung story..para bagang ang bigat sa loob lalo na last four chapters..akalain mo,andaming revelations and so on..iba..nagbago na ang tingin ko..2,4,5&6 na ang paborito ko..

anyway..share muna ko ng spoilers ko..

nde ko akalaing mamamatay si dumbledore..or maybe i did expect him to die sooner or later..maybe it was the way he died that i didn't quite expect..akalain mo,namatay siya ng walang kalaban-laban..ampanget pa niya nung namatay..bali-bali ung katawan..honestly,i felt the sorrow of the characters..muntik na nga akong maiyak..pero you know..may humor kasing pinasok kaya medyo nawala ung concentration ko sa lungkot..

pero eto..sabi ko na nga ba walang kwenta yan si snape!i've always expected him to be the one with evil tricks up his sleeve..iba xe talaga pag nagtanim ka ng galit sa kapwa..lalabas at lalabas ang hinanakit mo,unconsciously or consciously..tignan niyo,siya pa ang nagkaroon ng nerve para patayin c dumbledore..iba..kaya warning sa mga tao..too much trust leads you nowhere..haha..tapos sobwang ang corny pa nung title niya sa sarile niya..half-blood prince..at literal pala pag tinignan mo na ung meaning..akala ko nung una kung sinong ungas na..siya lang pala..ungas nga lang talaga..

eto pa isa..dun na pinasok ni j.k. rowling ung mga loveteams..haha..i didn't expect that harry would be fancying (tama ba?) ginny..i thought he'd always be head over heels with cho chang..at take note,mega-selos pa ko nung nalaman ko na hinalikan niya sa book5 si cho..iba..snog na ung ke ginny..haha..tapos,akala ko den date,e tama ung c ron and lavender..aba,akalain mo,thick books and red hair go together pala?!wahaha..hermione tsaka ron?!draco na lang no!yak,anyway..tpos,c fleur ke bill weasley..malay ko kung pano nangyare un..tapos,i really thought draco would have taste sa girls..like eewwie!pug-faced parkinson is the one paired-up with him..eeew talaga..as in..

sobwang clueless den ako if i should feel pity or anger towards voldemort..sa book6 xe,a great part of his life,especially his childhood, was told..and i was really touched with the love story nung parents niya..gayuma lang pala ang dahilan kung bakit siya napanganak..pero,nde natiis nung mom niya..iniwan den siya nung guy..ang masaklap nga lang dun e,pate c voldemort iniwan nung mom niya..nde daw kyang mabuhay nang ala c tom riddle..hhaayy..kung nde lang ngeng engot ung nanay niya..

im quite embarassed to admit this pero,i really found chapter twenty-six scary..ang freaky xe nung description nung black lake..may mga inferi daw tapos nakatingala pa kina harry..iba..creepy talaga..

and what i hope is sana,mag-open pa ang hogwarts..wawa naman xe ung school..pero,im really looking forward to the adventure that the golden trio will be engaging themselves in sa book7..and goodluck na lang ke malfoy..minsan talaga pag evil kana,evil kana tlaga..tapos,tapos na..wahaha..

p.S.

i found some very interesting lines dun sa hp6..

~'eat your eggs while they're hot,harry' - molly weasley..

~'...he was rapidly becoming obsessed with draco malfoy..'

ehem..bhala na kau sa interpretations nian.. :P

aMpOoCh..hEhe..

2005-07-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

gwAbe..iBa pLa tLaGa anG cOLej..puNuNg-puNO nG kAkaiBAnG mGa bGay..mGa tEacHer nA sObwAng enJOy mkAsAma..mwON nManG sObwAnG bwiSit sA buHAy nA mGa tiPOnG sA sObwAng kAtiGanGan e nAndAdaMAy nA..aSar tLaGa nA sObwAng eNjOy..hEhe..aNLabO kO bA?

nUng pAst wEek,sObwAng nPakAenJOy nG fiLipiNO cLAsS kO..aNDamE kOng nAtutuNan..gWabE..aS iN nAdAgdAgaN aNG boKabuLaryO kO sA fiLipiNo..

etO O:

aNG iBiG sAbiHEn pLA nG:

bAkLa..bAbaE kA LaLAkE?

bAdiNG..bAkLaNG mAy dAtinG..

bAdAf..bAkLanG mAy fAce..

yOsi..siGariLyO..uNa at huLinG syLLabLeS tAs biNaLigTAd..

anGhEL..otHer tErm smGa mAy aNghEt..

jOLOgs..(etO tLaGa nGaun kO LanG nLamAn..)sa jOLLibEe dAw nAbuBusOg kNa..kYa jOL_OgS..pDe dEn dAw uNG c jOLiNa..dbA jOLenS?pNaLitAn LanG uNg hULe..kYa jOLOgS..

dAkOta..LALakEng mAy mALAkE anG aNO..xE dAw,aNG dAkO,mALakE sA biSayA..tAsa uNg tA,nOta xE mUkHanG anO..GetS?

jUmiNjiNgLe..dPat dAw LaLakE LanG anG guMagAmet nG tErm nA 'tO pAg uMiiHE..xE cLa LanG aNG nAkAkApaGpAgPag nUng kAniLa..gEts?kYa jiNgLe..
tAs bKet LaLaki at nDe LALakE?

bKet bAbAe at nDe Babai?

xE,LaLaki = titi dAw..hEhe..tite?!mSAgwA..gEts?

xE,BAbaE = pUke dAw..hEhe..puKi?!msAgwA..gEts?

pwO bukOd jAn,nAkakAtAwa dEn nMan..mAy mGa cLasSmAtEs kO at mGa tEacHer nA sObwAng LagEng stOp mE!

sBe nUng iSa kOng tEacHer,studY a LittLe..nDe kO Lam kuNg bkEt aNg nRinEg nMen nG mGa kAkLaSe kO e LEtHAL..aS iN pwAng tAngA..stUDy a LetHaL?aS iN pMatAy?

uNg iSa kO dEng tEacHEr,mAy cNabE nA mAy biNAriL dAw..nUng dINemO nIA sBE niA,pIng!hELLo?!mAy bAriL bAng aNG 2nOg E piNg?!

nAgjOkE dEn cyA tAs sbE niA bigLaAn nD Out of tHe bLue,wOwOwEe!hUh?!jOke bA un?!

nAgkwEntO dEn cyA,mAy kOnekSyOn sA bAriL..c jOhN smiTh sA pOcOhOnTas?pOcOhOntAs?!

uNg iSa kOng kAkLAsE..sBE niA wHen wE tAke Our bRAKefAst..bRakE fasT?!aS in pUmrEnO kA nG mBiLis?!

uNg iSa pA,sbE niA 'soMetyMs tEkkeN..'uNg LaRo bA sA pLayStatiOn?!kUng uN uN,LarO tAu!akO c dEviL jiN!hEhe..

chAngE tOpiC..nAbAbAnGAg nkO e..hEhe..

mAnuOd pO kAu nG hELL iN a CeLL mAtCh ni bAtiSta tSaka 3pLe H!msAya uN!gO bAtiSta!!!

nd cHriS mAstErs!u sUCk!!!mAstErpiEcE dAw cyA?!hELLo?!rAndy OrtOn nLanG!

at Lam niO bA,mSayA pLa pAg mAy inSpirAsyON kA nGauN sA cOLej..hEhe..akO pA ay oFficiALLy mAy bAgO nG cWuSh sA skUL..c cWuShiE_01..wOohOo!d bOmb!kAkiLeG tLagA..

tAs mAy cWuSh dEn kOng sAcriStan sA sHadDai..NagpEaCe bE wiTh yOu cyA sKEn..e DiyOS kO nMan!sObwAng NahiYa kO nA kNiLeg..aSar..kYa i LoOkEd aWay nLanG..tAs bINatuKan kO nG nAnAy kO bIgLa!bA't nDe kO nAg pEaCe duN sA sAkRiStAn..hELLO?!nPahiYA pA 2LoY kO..pAgkAtiNGen kO,tinAtaWanAn kO nG sAcriStan..hUhU!!!nDe nkO mAkAkApagpAcuTE..nwAy..

hAyyY..nGauN nLanG kO uLet nkApagbLog..Shit xE..suNud-suNod uNg gnGwA..tAs LinShak pA uNg chEm kO..niLuLUtO kO nG tEacHer kO..aNtIgaNG xE..butE nLanG sBe ni cWuShiE_01,k LanG yAn..wOohoO!kYA oK nA kO nUng aRAw nAun..hEhe..

hi cWuShie_01!hEhe..

nGa pLA mGa piPS,miS kO nA kAu!sObwA!

at nGA pLa,gRubA cOh!sOwi nDe kO xE mALoAd uNg bLOg pAgE mO kyA d kO mKApAgcOmmEnt..hAyyY!miSya nDen pO!oO nGa c kRistEL nAunG eiC..at mSsbE kO LanG..gOodLuCk..kILaLa mO nB uNg pUmALet skEn?!hAyY..nwAy,aUn LanG..nGatz pO kAw LgE! :)

wHattA sOng!

2005-06-22T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's like you're a drug

It's like you're a demon

I can't face down

It's like I'm stuck

It's like I'm running from you all the time

And I know I let you have all the power

It's like the only company I seek is misery all around

It's like you're a leech

Sucking the life from me

It's like I can't breathe

Without you inside of me

And I know I let you have all the power

And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe

It's like I can't see anything

Nothing but you

I'm addicted to you

It's like I can't think

Without you interrupting me

In my thoughts

In my dreams

You've taken over me

It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost

It's like I'm giving up slowly

It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me

Leave me alone

And I know these voices in my head

Are mine alone

And I know I'll never change my ways

If I don't give you up now

It's like I can't breathe

It's like I can't see anything

Nothing but you

I'm addicted to you

It's like I can't think

Without you interrupting me

In my thoughtsIn my dreams

You've taken over me

It's like I'm not me

I'm hooked on you

I need a fix

I can't take it

Just one more hit

I promise I can deal with it

I'll handle it, quit it

Just one more time

Then that's it

Just a little bit more to get me through this

I'm hooked on you

I need a fix

I can't take it

Just one more hit

I promise I can deal with it

I'll handle it, quit it

Just one more time

Then that's it

Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe

It's like I can't see anything

Nothing but you

I'm addicted to you

It's like I can't think

Without you interrupting me

In my thoughts

In my dreams

You've taken over me

It's like I'm not me

..aDik sa 'yo!

2005-06-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

grabe..2 days of school (which are yesterday and today) na i feel totally weak and sort of..agitated na disappointed..nakakaasar nga e..xe nman,it adds up to the stress and weakness na nararamdaman mo after school..bket?nde ko ren alam..

yesterday..

thursday..half-day lang ko kaya mega plano kong pumunta ng tipol..and you know..makita ang drugs na kung saan ako'y adik na adik..iba..aun..game na game na ko..i prepared and dressed by four tapos nagsimula nang umalis..excuse ko pa kay ma nun,hahanapin ko ung book pwa sa philosophy subject ko..actually,half-truth naman yun..kya convincing at napayagan akong umalis..i was in a good mood..xemps iiindulge ko na naman ung sarile ko sa 'drugs'..pwo asar..biglang nagkaron ng bad premonition..

nakito ko ang ex-crush kong c inyaki..ang guy na pangalawang gumulo ng chuvalife ko..at anggang ngaun e nde ko mkalimutan..

nagkasabay kmeng tumawed..muntik pnga kong masagasaan sa gulat..no joke..

at kung di ba naman nang-aasar pa,prehas pa kme ng jeep na sinakyan..holy sh*t!

pwo ege..composed pden ko..i told myself antagal na nun..i shouldn't let people from my past ruin my mood..kya tuloy imbes na prehas kmeng bababa ng jologs,nagpatuloy nlang muna kong tipol..around 430,nkarateng nko..ala kong mahanap na xama kaya dumeretso muna kong tipol..asar xe c kate (ung current senior ha!)na dapat ka-meet ko that day..nde cya nagrereply..at malaman-laman ko na lang,nde nia dnala fone nia(nung nagkita kme sa may plaza)so hangout muna konti sa tipol,kadaldalan ko pa nun c kuyang guard..tas ang dramang kunware punta ko sa newsroom gnawa ko..after like 10 minutes,umales nko,headed for the plaza..

on the way there,kala ko sobwang mggeng mganda ung afternoon..may guy na nakasuot ng jersey na may number 19..tas may trike na dumaan,number 19 den..tas may car pa na ang plate number e xix-119..at yun po e hinde produkto ng malikhain kong imahinasyon..promise!

kya i took those as good signs..pwo mali pla ko..

linshak,nilibot ko na buong plaza,walang sign ni k_19..
nakakita ko ng mga pamilyar na seniors ng school nila,pwo walang k_19..
nakita ko c lester,kapated ni gianne salcedo,classmate nia..pwo walang sign ni k_19..
kya aun..umuwe akong bigo..lam mo ung pkiramdam ng na-deprive ka ng mga things na kini-crave mo?
alangya..kya anggang ngaun..pwa kong adik na hinde nakatkim ng marijuana for 3 days..haaayyy..
today..
ansaya sana..we had no subjects whatsoever..pure orientation lang buong araw..okay na sana ung orientation sa auditorium..aircon,pa-video video't powerpoint na lang..xo,ang nkakadrain jan e ung gnawa nmen nung hapon..
akalain mo ba nmang tanghaling tapat,from 1 pm anggang 330,naglalakad kme't nililibot ang USTE?at take note,with the matching heels pa yan at ang bag kong hgit pa sa 1 kilo ang bigat!and to think na aral pko ng aral pwa lang maassure na papasa ko sa test nmen sa psychology which was scheduled for that day..hhhaaayyy!

pwo ege go pden kme..orientation e tsaka pwo headcount ang ginagawa every now and then..kya no chance of escape..
pwo nakakita p nman ako ng hope..nagtext xe c jam,asking for the time kung kelan ko uuwe..cnabe ko mga 330 at tnanung kung bket nia tnatnung..sbe nia 3p niang pumunta ng tipol at jologs..game nman ko..ang xo,nagkalabuan na..nde na cya nagreply..alangya..pwo ege,mega punta pden ko ng KFC sa may coastal..pwo nde na cya
dmateng..kya aun..umuwe nnman kong bigo..akala ko pa nman,pde na ko ulet mgkron ng chance na mkita ung 'drugs' ko..nde pla..
BANGENGE na ko kakaisip sa'yo..
mgdmag akong HIGH kakahintay ng text mo..
SABOG ako buong araw dhel ala ka sa tabi ko..
LECHENG buhay 'to..ADIK ako..
magkano ba isang gramo ng panahon mo?!

please lang,ayusin mo na telepono mo..

aLangya..

2005-06-15T04:42:00.000-07:00

bago ko magsimula,nais kong sabihin na ako'y magtatagalog na sa aking mga bLog..hehehehe..trip ko lang..

nway,knina first day nmen sa USTE..nung umaga,kala ko malelate nko xe quarter to six,nag-aabang pa kme ng fx..aLangya..takot na takot na ko..7 ang start ng classes ko at like anybody,i didn't want to be late..xemps,1st day e..i didn't want to make a bad impression..haha..

nung dumateng kme ng mami ko dun,swerteng-swerteng quarter to seven,dumateng kme..hnanap ko agad si vaL,ang aking beloved destiny,pagdating..aLangya..d ko mkita ang balingkinitan (?) niyang pangangatawan at matangkad na postura (tama ba?)..sbe ko sa sarile ko,'nyeta!asan na si vaL?!?!'na-sense na siguro ni ma ung pag-aaLaLa ko..kya cnabe nlang nia,pmsok nko..bka ma-Late pko..kya hayun..khet aLa kong xama at tipong mga ksabay ko e mga tipong may nagmamayabang na puting stockings at sapatos,GO!conquer ako..pwa kong sumabak sa battlefield ng hubo..

tas umakyat ko dun sa unang staircase na nkita ko..nde un ung dteng inakyatan ko nung ininterview kme pwo cge,go pden..sbe ko sa srile,bhaLa na..tas pagLiko ko,Lke ng buntong-hiningang ni-reLease ko..wooooohhhhh!c vaL nkita ko ren!xama den c gj..aLangya..andun Lang pLa cLa..muntikan nkong mag-back out dheL nde ko cLa nkita..(Later on,nareaLize ko den na ambaet tLaga ni papa God..biruin mo,khet d ko pamiLyar dun sa inakyatan ko,okay pden?anu kyang nangyare sken kung sa kabila ko umakyat?hayyy..thank you papa God!)

tas dun,mega kwentuhan na..ang ingay-ingay nga nmen..pwang 10 years kmeng nde nagkita..hehehe..tawanan kme ng tawanan..to the point na mega bangag nnga kme..pinagtitinginan nnga kme..they were staring at us as if saying,'hoy mga weirdo..first day na first day pwa kaung mga tanga..'pwo bhaLa na..basta masaya kme..cguro,piLet Lng nmeng tntago ung kaba..aun..hayok na hayok kme sa katatawa hanggang sa ma-realize nmen na uiiii..kme nLang ang kLaseng nsa Lbas pa ng cLassroom..pwo ege..mega intay pden kme..kLa xe nmen,bwaL pa kmeng pmsok..10 minutes ang Lumipas..asan na kaya prof ng 1st cLass nmen?..20 minutes..aLangya..aLa pden cya..30 minutes..ay nako..go nkme sa cLassroom..bhaLa nang mapagaLitan kesa nman sa maLuto kme sa kakaantay sa taong 10 minutes later pa dumateng..at aun..mega sunod nman ang mga kaklase nmeng inaantay Lang pLang may pumasok ng una sa cLassroom..tas dun..nagsimula ang saket ni vaL..

bgLang ngeng ma-PR si vaL..aLangya..Lhat ata kLaLa na nia..cya nga nag-iintroduce sken smga tao sa pLiged..andame nngang nakakakiLaLa sknia..xe xemps ang pauLinian assertiveness nia ay umandar na..kumbaga nag-jumpstart na ang pauLinian instincts nia..hehe..may bLak nga atang tumakbong presidente ng kLase un e..hehe..pwo at Least,mgkakiLaLa nkme..

pgkatpos nun,ngeng normaL nman ang Lhat..mejo weird nga Lang xe for once sa coLLege,nde nag-discuss sa 1st day ang mga teachers..praise the Lord!xo,panira 'tong aLangyang fiLipino teacher nmen..akaLain mo ba nmang sa Lhat ng teachers,cya Lang ang nag-discuss?!pwa pnga cyang engot xe yaw daw nia magpakiLaLa smen..heLLo?!maski pangaLan yaw mong bhen smen?!pwo nareaLize ata nia ang sobwang pagtataka nmen kya cnabe nLang nia,'but i'LL be giving you my name'..haha..paLusot..cge nnga..Lusot na..

haayy..msarap den pLa coLLege Lyf khet papano..at Least mejo k nman sa coLLege ko..sana Lang continuous na 'to..at makasundo ko coLLege Lyf..aLangya..ang mais ko ngayon..

IM BACK!!!

2005-06-12T01:42:00.000-07:00

oooooohhhhhh yeah!im finally back in manila!after a really adventurous stay in the mountainous region of my beloved province zamboangga,here i am..still alive and blogging.. :)
well,not all of my experiences are bad..of course,i've also learned a lot and experienced things concerning my life as a daughter,sister,cousin,granddaughter and the one i can never forget,my chuvalife..

as a daughter..

me and my mom really had great bonding moments..especially during her birthday wherein we went to anonang to swim..fortunately,there was sun cellular signal there so i was able to text and chat with you-know-who..well,i'll tell you the details later when i get to the story of my chuvalife..anyway,we had fun and got to make kulet with each other..but the bad news was,i got really caught up in the kulitan and stayed under the hot scorching sun way too long..and of course,when i went home,i looked exactly like an ita..but that was also the time when i got to wear my black halter-top and guess what?a maong mini-skirt..not what you expected from a mico,did you?well,same goes here..hehe..

as a sister..well,together with mom,i also had great bonding moments with my brother..we'd laugh a lot especially when it comes to misspelled words and sort of things..no offense,but they were just so funny..it was like the letter i didn't exist in their alphabet..like what my tita cherlyn said when my brother got german measles..'wag pahangenan at palegoan'..it was so hilarious..there was also this shop which repairs watches with the brands:swatch,baby-g...and
seko..seko?!did that brand exist?hahahahahahaha..a stall in the fruits section in a market had the name 'FRUIT VENDORS ASS'..i was like ass?!there was also this supermarket..on aisle something,were some condiments,canned goods,and raisens..raisens?my God..we also noticed this store named GLORIA BAZAR..reminds you of someone?hehehe..

as a cousin..

the things above remind me of the time when one of my cousins,jep-jep,was so angry at neil,he screamed at the top his lungs saying:ikaw talaga neil KSP!Kulang NG Pansin!hahahahaha..shouldn't it be KNP?!

there was also this time when i looked at jan-jan's (also a cousin) phonebook..only two things caught my eye:1st the entry named jah bom twins..jah-jah&bom-bom?!hehehe..the 2nd,i'll tell you later..

speaking of jan-jan,i really learned that all of us have limitations..there was this incident that i was pinching him like crazy..i accidentally pinched him too hard which gave him a wound..he freaked (i think;that was how it looked)..then he walked out and we never talked again..until now..

but i said sorry,of course..just not personal..

lesson:don't pinch too hard..people might freak out..haha..jawk..

as a granddaughter..

all i can say here is that old people,especially our 'grands' should be understood..if they get cranky sometimes,we should understand them because understanding is what they need and not some 'sermoning' which may not only make them crankier but also bring them sadness and depression..believe me..

next entry na lang ung chuvalife..hehehe..mahabahaba.. ;P

me..the whiner by heart..

2005-05-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

so its been like less than a month since i surfed the net..here i am stuck in the heart of my beloved province zamboangga del sur where i have proven that patience is thus, a virtue to be practiced and lived..

well, actually, i just said that because im getting utterly annoyed and bored by this vacation..not entirely though..maybe just this trip here in pagadian which is where i am ironically unfortunate enough to surf the net in a cafe where they're actually using dial-up as their connection..as if i have any choice but you know..i was really expecting DSL as their connection since its a 'cafe'..anyway, no use crying over spilled milk..(was that the right idiom?)

on the way here..i mean, when we were on the ship going here from manila..the ride was quite an adventure, really..first, we had to wait in a very long line to be able to enter the gate..when we got inside, the pier was practically swarming with muslims who were, no offense, quite the noisy type..(again, i have no prejudice against your people..just so happened that majority of the people, and i mean 99.5% of the noisy people were muslims)..it was like hanging out in a beehive..there was also this instance where the porters where practically bumping into you with those sweaty and smelly bodies and dirty bags over their shoulders..i mean, this is the usual picture in a pier but i think you shouldn't really go bumping into people..besides there's the word, 'excuse me' which some porters use, actually..you can only imagine how my patience was really stretched to its limits..

so there i was..all sweaty and wasted waiting for our ticket to be sort of approved..when we got in our beds, i quickly settled in because i was already drained of all my energy..i thought it couldn't get any worse..unfortunately, it can..when almost all of the passengers had boarded the ship, one freakin child screaming at the top of his lungs woke me..and since he was just beside the bed across mine, i could hear him nice and clear..i couldn't do anything but cut my supposedly 120-minute sleep and eat dinner..

the next day, breakfast was served at exactly 7am and one of the crew had to wake us all up..my eyes were all puffy and one cup of coffee wasn't able to take away my drowsiness..then the nightmare began..the food wasn't for humans..as in..

that went on for 3 days..i had to bear it or else, i wouldn't be able to survive the trip..my patience was like san juanico bridge now..

then, we met this guy whose face was totally freaky he really looked like a psycho..i had to stay away from him and glare at him everytime just so he coould sense that he wasn't wanted..

there's also this guy who was an absolute flirt..his bed was just beside mine and he was actually talking about sleeping with the married woman who was below his bed..i was soo shocked by his attitude..he had the nerve to flirt with the married woman?and to think that the woman was entertaining him!what happened to fidelity and righteousness??

remember the booy i mentioned above?well, he couldn't get enough of screaming foor 1 night..he continued it for 3 excruciating days and there was this instance that he was yelling 'bili kayo tae,tae!limang piso lang!tae,tae!bili kayo tae!'..who in his right mind would sell shit at 5pesos?

on about the 2nd day of the trip, we stopped over dumaguete where i thought i was lucky to have sun signal..well, so much for expecting people to text me..huhu..that is why i'd like to thank the kind hearts of krisha jay, my dad and kitt for replying to my messages..they were the only ones who remembered i existed..huhuhuhuhu!talk about self-pity..hehe..

by the 2nd day, i wasn't really enjoying the trip anymore..except for the times when i would wander alone and stare at the sea for hours..it was hypnotizing, really..but later on, i would come back to my wits and realize..oh my God!i can't see anything but water, water, and more water!im in the middle of the big blue!

fortunately, the third day came sooner and at last we arrived..

oh, wait..i forgot something..maybe 5 hours before we got off the ship, there was this freaky woman who screamed 'sunog, sunog!'you can only imagine how freaked my mother and I were..we were so ready to jump off the ship only to realize that the freaky woman only smelled the smoke from the lit match stick which her husband used to light his cigarette..stupid!

and so, i end my impatience-induced rantings..with my patience stretched to the absolute extent..

notice how addicted i am with WWE..

2005-04-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

my brother once sent me this quote about desiring more..it said that maybe desiring more means losing everything..how true can that quote be?

well, i'll take randy orton (the most good-looking of all wrestlers) for one..he started out as an underdog for the group evolution, as founded by hunter hearst helmsley, otherwise known as triple h, along with his faithful other sidekicks, nature boy ric flair and the animal batista..it was like he really belonged..not until he won for himself the world heavyweight title, the belt which for so long had been the desire of triple h..because of that, the seemingly fantastic four of the wrestling industry disbanded(?) and disowned the youngest member and beat him to a pulp, as a bonus..later on, he totally disconnected himself from the group and placed upon himself a new identity: the legend
killer..his career then went from whish to bagoom!from mick foley, ric flair, and chris benoit, he made such an impact that fans totally made his career 'the big one'..honestly, i've been one of those fans but maybe many of those fans like me changed their minds, when, he targeted one of the greatest legends by the name of the Undertaker..he was so sure that he could beat the undertaker and i label that showing off..he even hurt his so-called girlfriend stacy kiebler just to show how determined he was to beat the 'dead man'..and guess what?because of that desire, he lost the match, his girlfriend and his fans..including me..(whatta?!)

i'll not also miss triple h..his sole desire is to become number one in the industry..because of that, he destroyed randy orton, losing one ally..later on, he plotted on transferring batista to smackdown so that the number one contender to the heavyweight title would be gone..unfortunately for him, batista overheard his plot and earned for himself the title..not only did he lost his ego, he also lost two allies and the title..now, i'll not only be dwelling on wrestling..you'll only notice how un-addicted i am to it..haha..anyway, i've also desired more than what i could handle..there came a point in my life that i really, really felt fat..as in i would always look at myself and say, 'oh, God..im a pig'..so from then on, i didn't really ate my lunch anymore..and i thought it would be best because not only do i lose the carbs but also save up some money for some of my
gimiks..unfortunately, my health sort of broke down..one day, i started to puke to no end even though my stomach didn't contain anything..then, it would hurt really, to the point that i could no longer tolerate it..that was then that i realized that i had ulcer..my mother had to scold for being irresponsible..imagine, losing your appetite and your good health..

and not only that..for the past few days, i staunchly desired that me and k_19 would be more than friends..but, oh well..now i know its kinda stupid to wish for that..because now, he's kinda not existing in my life anymore..and he's become colder and more distant as each days passes..

how true could that quote be?

on being too emotional and sensitive..

2005-04-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

doesn't it just suck when you've done something for some people so that they feel that they mean a lot to you, yet it came unappreciated?hurts like hell, doesn't it?especially if it you'd expect them to be really happy but turns out your efforts meant nothing to them while you were there, pouring out all the emotion and putting all the meaning because you loved them and they were really special..what a slap in the face..sometimes you'd even think, what a waste of effort..but of course, you love them that's why you just let it pass..that's what hurts more, i tell you..

during my grade school years, modesty aside, but i did excel academically..my mom would always go onstage to give me my award, whenever my dad was unavailable..frankly, i also got used to that..it was like, 'woohoo!im on top of the world!'but my world shattered when, at one time, my grades sort of just slid down like a cascading falls aided by gravity..but i still had my award; i felt relieved..yet, my mother seemed unsatisfied..then, my nightmare began..she started to compare me..with my brother..with my own bloody brother!i was really hurt, to put it simply..it was as if my hardworks were disregarded and what i did wasn't good enough..and for God's sake!how could she compare me with him?he's like freakin' 1st grade at that time and his math was like the basic 1+1!

but of course, even though i felt like i was stabbed to death, i let it pass..i told myself it was normal - that it was just some phase that my mom was going through because she wasn't used to it..yet, the nightmare continued..and it even became worse..from my academics, even my use as a 'daughter' was questioned..i was so hurt..it was so painful, i had to cry myself every night..but still, i accepted..i mean, she had every right, right?my mother had done everything for me and all i had to do was study and then i just screwed it all..so, i just drowned myself in formulas, in terms that seem to dissipate the instant i memorize them..i was practically, helpless..but i held on..and still, it wasn't enough for my mom..she had then pointed every mistake i made..and what was i supposed to do?act like i was some stone-hearted person, totally void of emotion?and then, maybe you can guess what i almost did - suicide..i was so ready to slash my wrist with that knife my mom sharpened the other night..but the image of my dad flashed in my mind..and i recalled how i promised myself i would finish my school and provide for my family so that my dad wouldn't have to work and be away from us..so from then on, i tried to numb myself, which was totally difficult considering the fact that i was a crybaby..later on, i realized, i'd just use my being a crybaby to my advantage..i told myself to cry it out everytime and let it pass with all the tears..then act like nothing has happened..in that way, they would never really know how you feel..

unfortunately for me, my freakin' world crumbled to an even more unbelievably microscopic pieces when on my freshman year, all i did was to be included in the 8th spot of the class..i cried of course..but mom never really realized how painful it was because she'd only see me cry..she never saw how all the pain would be absorbed in my heart because my studying efforts were unappreciated..from then on, i never really took studying as seriously as i did before..but i didn't neglect it..i wasn't mad, you know..what i didn't know was that i've developed a really low self-esteem, anger for myself, and anger for my mom..i practically loathed me and my mom..

fortunately enough, a simple yet very meaningful retreat taught me that life wasn't really about achievements and those honors..you can never carry that in heaven..though you must not neglect them, you should take into account first how you develop as a person when reaching those..you can always find another opportunity to have those, but you can never find another self..

just some months ago, specifically march, my older brother celebrated his birthday..and since some of my classmates already knew him, i gave his number to them and asked them to greet him..what i didn't know was that i was in for a really great surprise, not him..he texted me and his messages sort of told me that the greetings were unwelcomed..he was like, 'why did you give my number to them?!who are these people texting me?!'and being the pessimistic person that i am, i took it as an offense..i thought he didn't like them..and so, i vowed never to do that again..if it's someone's birthday, just greet them..don't let other people greet them, it might come unwelcomed..i was so pissed off that until now, it still affects me so much..you'd probably think im this very emotional and sensitive person, but i beg your pardon, that's just me..

and kuya, if you're actually reading this, i read earlier in our YM chat, that you did appreciate what i did..im sorry for not understanding, but i hope you understand too that people can't always be what you want them to be..im emotional and sensitive and i've been going through some hell of a time changing that, but it's not that easy you know..i just hope that next time, you pick your words more carefully because you might never know how much you hurt other people by saying offensive things..i understand that your the type who ultimately practical but as i said, people can't always be what you want them to be..i love you bro, but you know, it hurt really because you are my 'kuya'..

and by the way,i understand..i hope you'll be able to understand me too..

and this also goes to all those people who think my being emotional and sensitive is utterly annoying..sorry..

here i go again..

2005-04-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to post this last night..unfortunately, my internet service provider was stupid enough to not connect..anyway, here is my second entry.

today, i went out with my two best friends, apple and jazm..we went to g4 and watched a flick entitled, 'guess who'..it was about this guy named simon green (ashton kutcher) who's with this black chick theresa jones (dunno who it was)..maybe a couple of days before her parents' 25th anniversary, simon was introduced to theresa's family and of course, problems started to arise because simon was white..percy, theresa's father (played by bernie mac), really didn't like simon..he then started to look for reasons why theresa isn't lucky to have simon..well, i don't really blame him for being a caring father, who wouldn't want the best for his child?but turns out, he made a pathetic father of himself, instead of a caring one..

you see, for me, 'over caring' sort of really blinded him because all he looked for was the financial security of his child, mistaking it for something else..he thought of the bad things that might happen to his daughter without even seeing the fact that theresa was truly happy..i mean, yeah, you should also think of that, but wouldn't it be better if instead of dwelling on the fact, he also saw the happiness that the love between simon and theresa has bloomed into?he stupidly overlooked the fact that color didn't really matter between simon and theresa..what mattered to the both of them was that they were happy, things work out, and that they were the better halves of each other..theresa was everything what simon wasn't and vice versa..it was like they complete each and without the other, one would certainly be empty and unhappy..

and like other stories, it ended happily, with percy learning that he'd become an unknowing stupid, selfish racist..he, of course, accepted simon and you can now add here the things that accompany a happy ending..

this story also reminds me of that one movie, fools rush in..although they had the same storyline, this movie more of dwelled on the belief and cultural differences of two people who fell in love with each other..it almost ended tragically because one of them thought that they were too different (their parents argued over religion; in which state they would live in, etc) and that they would never be able to compromise..so she gave up, with the fear of the pain of losing the guy..but you know what?she was definitely wrong in thinking that she knew better than the crazy little thing we call love..she thought love would never find a way to put them together, believing that they were better off without each other..

but as they say, 'love moves in mysterious ways'..love, together with fate, goes and finds very peculiar ways of putting together the most unlikely and different of couples..it goes into all the trouble of softening certain hearts and making it fall into the pit of the oxymoron which we call love..

and that's what i have learned through some experiences in my life..we can never really know better than love..it's like a double-edged sword, you'll hurt either way..difference is, on the other, it cuts deeper and takes a longer time to heal..there is no security, and so i've learned..that is why if faced with challenges, especially differences (may it be in color, religion, culture and belief), we should always look on the brighter side of things and find ways on how to overcome those challenges, using your heart and mind, not one over the other..because if you go against the ways of love, sometimes, it will only be like piercing yourself with the double-edged sword..

and just some other thing i've learned: if you really love each other, find reasons to be happy, not reasons to hurt yourself or somebody else..and know that there will never be rules in love..

end note:generally, this applies to steady relationships encountering challenges, specifically differences..i'll be sharing my belief on some other challenges in my other blog entries.. :)

yeah, change..

2005-04-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

honestly, it has taken me more than 24 hours to think about what i will write in my first blog..it was like one of those great changes you want to conquer and just go for..i really dunno but the idea of having a blog was really out of character for me..you see, im one of those persons who believe that letting others know what you feel and think will just be a means for them to know your weaknesses and then use it against you..but i just, you know, just felt it was time for me to open up cause i really can't close my doors to the real world forever, right?

speaking of changes, it was this 2nd week of april that i realized that change does a lot to people..when you submerge yourself to change, it may either result to a really great dreamlike reality or it may turn out that you've just drowned yourself in a bottomless pool of nightmares that you just want to turn back time and wished you hadn't given change a chance..

why, you ask..well, just read on..

a really great dreamlike reality..for about 15 years or so, my mom has been this totally authoritarian type of parent..you know, she should always be followed, listened to and her decisions are totally irrevocable..and when you go against her, it's like you've paid a one-way ticket to hell..really, and that's no exaggeration..believe me..anyway, to cut the story short, she was invited to this spiritual group called El Shaddai..and it was like poof! she sort of just tamed down like some wild animal shot with a great dose of tranquilizer..and it was so surreal, really..the transformation was so unbelievable..but of course, like any soap opera, there had to be a sort of villain to the story..after sometime, she went back to that 'authoritarian' type of person..we had to go with her to their spiritual meetings, which were really not our thing, my brother and i..but of course, what could we do? finally, it had become too much again and it almost put my parents' marriage in jeopardy..can't tell the whole story here but im glad one night, she went back into a tamed wild animal when my dad knocked some sense into her..today, it's not much of a 'really great dreamlike reality', cause she still is a very authoritarian person, but at least it has taken away the impatient and hot-tempered mother we had..

a bottomless pool of nightmares..for about seven months back from now, i met this really great guy..we were really compatible..we shared the same ideals, beliefs and sort of stuff..it was like he was a sort of soulmate.. and you see, without me realizing it, i've fallen for him..unfortunately for me, he liked someone else, my classmate..and what hurt more was the fact that i knew that my classmate practically didn't take him as her ideal..but still, i hid my feelings, fearing rejection, because you see, rejection has always been the twin of my lovelife..so there he was, continuously seeking the glance of that someone who would never like him..and i just played along, but i didn't let it pass without me giving him some simple hints of my feelings of course..but still, he took it as friendly quotes and messages..seeing that i really had no chance, i remained on the subtle side, just waiting for that time when finally he'd notice me..

and so he did..that was yesterday, 19th of april, tuesday..i sent him this quote which at the end said, "...i would've done anything for that simple i love you..."..and then he said he already told me he loved me, only in french..j'adore vous..and so i was really, really surprised..at first, i denied it but he said it was true..and so, i accepted it as true..but you know what? it seems now that it's really not.. you see, he's changed..he's not the same funny person i knew and come to love..it's as if the kevin i knew had disappeared, abducted by unknown elements of this universe..and that's saying something because it's been only a span of hours..

i really wish he hadn't told me that, even if it was true..i wouldn't wish for it in a lifetime if it meant him changing his attitude towards me..i really wish he didn't..because it hurt more than when i knew that he liked my classmate more..

but you see, it's been my fault too..maybe i just love - no, got infatuated - with him too much that i got caught up in the situation..

and so, i think change just one heck of a situation which can define what you'll experience next..it's a matter of deciding and accepting what could happen next..

so, be careful with your decisions..as for me, i'll just be hanging on here until things get better for me and him..